By JBern
Reviews
aemon_targaryen posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 12:12pm
As I said before, I love this story. This chapter, despite the action, feels somewhat slower than most others-I can't really say why-maybe it's because the action is somewhat anti-climactic after the last chapter, and we're waiting for the next big surprise. I'm glad it's not going to be just another zombie-fest; as much as I liked playing Resident Evil in the past and Dead Rising on the XBox360, I wouldn't want to read chapters and chapters of zombie-killing, however creatively it was done.
I liked reading Bill's missives to the Order, and his admonishments of several personages. I'd really, really like to see how people react to the whole situation-will they by unrepentant, only regretting that they were caught, defiant, remorseful, crushed with guilt, begging for forgiveness? I'm sure we'll see a little of each, and I'd love to see how you have people respond to being caught doing such a sleazy thing.
As always looking forward to more. I'm anticipating the end of TFTCD, so that you can concentrate on this story and its sequel.
JBern replied:
I wouldn't say the action was anticlimatic. This is really the mop up of the first layer of defense.
Wow! Everyone wants answers. Well Harry does too! I must be doing a good job of building up the anticipation. This story will finish before TFTCD. I will then work to finish off that story before starting the sequel to this one.
Thanks again for this and previous reviews.~Jim
coronal posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 11:33am
Woo hoo! I love this story!!!
I was wondering something. Since these Necro wards are some powerful Dark, Evil magic, etc., would positive magic, like a Patronus, help tear them down permanently? Hmm.....
And hey, what about acid? Fire's not working so hot, but acid should do well.
Anyway, those're my ideas. We'll see if you use them. I'm looking forward to the next update.
JBern replied:
Already way ahead of you. Trust me that kind of magic has a definite place in this story....
The characters just haven't caught on yet.
Thanks for the review~Jim
Nial posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 11:10am
Another brilliant chapter. Not sure how you can keep this level of action up for much longer...
I'm slightly dreading that the return to England might go along these lines:
Dumbledore: We had to do what did, to neutralise the horcrux you've got inside you.
Harry: You might have asked.
D: But we did! And you agreed, before we obliviated you!
H: Oh. Guess it's okay, then.
Lupin: You agreed that we could use your money, too.
H: Oh, good. Guess I haven't got much to complain about, then.
MrsW: (shrieking) Complain?! Harry James Potter! How could you not trust the headmaster? He only wants what's best for you!
H: Yeah. Guess you're right.
Snape: Arrogant brat!
H: Well, at least I learnt how to do chain-casting.
Hermione: Harry! It's completely illegal and very dangerous!
D: And in any case, Harry, we don't think you'll be fighting Tom. Your contest will be on the spiritual plane...
H: (shoulders sagging) Oh. Okay then.
Hermione: And Harry! Haven't you done your homework yet? It's only 20 months till NEWTS!
H: Yeah, you're right. (sigh) Back to work, then.
You wouldn't, would you?
JBern replied:
Wow you read my mind! No, I can't in good concious write that. I think you'll find what I have in mind to be interesting...
Jim
Sean Dillon posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 11:08am
Dear Order,
I got Harry in the Forbidden City. Hope for you sakes we don't die.
Love
Bill
Do we get to see the order meeting where this news is broken?
Excellent chapter.
JBern replied:
Sorry. That would be breaking my perspective. I suppose that Harry will eventually get some info probably second or third hand.~Jim
PerfesserN posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 10:12am
I think you've spent some time blowing zombies away, is Resident Evil your favorite?
Good action scenes, a little light on the back story but hey, necro-critters tend to get your mind off the girl back home.
Eagerly awaiting the next thrilling episode. . .
JBern replied:
Actually, I can't play those first person shooters for longer than five or ten minutes before I start to feel motion sickness. The back story is coming... just wait and see.~Jim
Terry Swain posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 9:58am
Great chapter. :)
JBern replied:
Thanks. Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim
Jason Phillips posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 9:16am
Oh Hack say it isn't so. You know that you can do better then Sanchez. Just have to ask, have you been playing Halo or Final Fanasty lately. It just seems that the city sounds like one of the scenes from one of thoughs games. Overall, a very enjoyable chapter. Looking forward to the next installment.
JBern replied:
Well Hack does think she's pretty... Hey he knows the lyrics to Hotel California! Maybe he knows some Barry White to set the mood. "Let's get it on!"
Sorry, you probably didn't need that imagery... I actually don't play first person shooters. I get Vertigo if I play them too long. So I only occasionally play one.
Regards,
Jim
Vulkan posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 8:05am
Another awesome chapter... It is a good twist that Bill has made his views known to the order and his parents.. You have managed to keep all our interest throughout the 18 chapters with action, games, sex, death, growing up ... I am very much looking forward to the next chapter
JBern replied:
Thanks. As for Bill, he is the oldest Weasley and an adult. He has reached an age where if he sees that his parents are bringing dishonor on the family name, then he is going to call them on it! Next chapter in 2 weeks~Jim
jzysman posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 7:48am
DAMN... just DAMN... I am pretty much speechless. I should probably wait a day or so before I can properly review, but oh well.. 1) I loved Bill's letters, once again you make we wish to see the actual responses. I can't believe how awesome you have made Harry. I love this character, he is still Harry, recognizable from the books, but you have evolved him into a truly fantastic hero. I really like how he is getting comfortable in his own skin, and the taunting of the inferi is truly a classic scene. You are doing a great job, in keeping a light heart, yet not sacrificing the realism, your descriptions of the lost city are chilling, and you definitely keep the creepy atmosphere well.
Thank you for this. Really you just made my week.
John
JBern replied:
He is supposed to be a hero. What happened to the kid who came out to face Riddle and his DEs in the graveyard, with no real chance at all? Where did that backbone go? In book five and six he really regressed as a hero in my eyes. After Sirius was gone he flies into a murderous rage determined to get Bella, but then turns into a weak kneed fart when Voldy shows up. Arrgh, show some backbone! Anyway, I seek to correct this whereever I can. Thanks for the kind words.~Jim
Wolfric posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 7:09am
Very good chapter. I am enjoying this story a great deal. Thanks for all your efforts. I look forward to your future work. W.
JBern replied:
Thank you very much for your kind words. I am working hard to provide something that you will wish would have been the real book 6.~Jim
mjc posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 5:54am
Hmm...Harry really needs to watch some different movies.
Top Gun?
As if he isn't already reckless enough on a broom...
It is nice to see that Harry is finally beginning to realize that he, himself, is NOT dog droppings and that actually being 'a powerful wizard' is something that can be fun/good. Actually, he probably began to get the idea a little while ago, but in the past couple of chapters it has sunk in and has given him a bit of confidence/backbone that he was sorely lacking. Of course, kicking some serious zombie butt could have something to do with it...
JBern replied:
Yeah. I've kind of gotten over a lot of those stories where Harry is all bashful, "Gosh don't look at me like that. I'm nothing special."
After all I have put him (you) through in this story, it's time for him to stand up and say. "You want some of this? Come get some! I got plenty!"
Of course there is the old saying that pride cometh before the fall...
Jim
(deleted) posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 5:48am
great new chapter. hope to see another soon!
so how far are you going here? will he get to hogwarts?
keep up the excellent work
JBern replied:
It'll be about 2 weeks. Have to go back to my other story now. This story ends with him preparing to return to England in 5-7 chapters. The sequel will begin there.~Jim
uthamm posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 5:04am
You know, Cliff Hangers I can forgive but, HACK/SANCHEZ(!) FOR THE LOVE OF . . . Nope. Not Forgiven. Where do you order brain bleach on the internet?!? Blech.
I like Bill's letter to the order. I can see that Harry has earned his respect and in his line of work, what you do is all that matters. All Harry wants is a shot. When will we find out if the order can respond? I am dying to be a fly on the wall for that conversation, but based on the 2nd person perspective, we won't see it.
Can I respectfully request more Luna?
JBern replied:
You can, but it probably won't occur until the sequel. As for our trolls love life, it's all onesided right now. Maybe if they're there long enough and she's having alot of problems sleeping, maybe then Hack can make his move. He knows how to sing Hotel California. Maybe he knows some Barry White? Let's get it on!!!!!
Thanks for the laughs!~Jim
Crys posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 4:53am
Like I said on the forums, the regenerating necro-wards are a truly evil touch.
Seeing what happened back at the homestead will be interesting. Whether Luna actually turned him in. How everyone is taking the screaming revelations, etc.
Snarky!Harry is lots of fun to read.
Good aerial battle scene.
> "Harry, you realize that you are taunting a crowd of Inferi?"
*laugh*
Surprised when Hack waved a club at the necro-abraxan. I'd have thought that they would have shrunk and burned them up by that point. Leave them sit and they'll just get back up, right? As the fight outside and then taunting and victory laps took a while, those things ought to be "waking up" soon.
Urgh. A horny troll. I really didn't need that visual.
Interesting back-story on Collins. Don't know if it'll ever matter, but interesting anyway.
He can produce a temporary golem? *think* Hmm. Can't think of any uses for that at the moment, but I'm sure it'll come up again.
What the hell's the point of the "Inferi Clock Tower Sniping"? They'll all just get up again, won't they? Unless there's enough physical damage that they simply can't function any longer. Wouldn't sending fire spells of some kind do better? Physically destroying them, so to speak.
> There are some nasty wards to break and no telling what might lurk behind them.
*sigh* That's called "author fore-shadowing".
Hey, once they're out, should Harry go back to ruins #2 and collect the necro-dragon skull? I imagine that dragon bone is valuable.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the long review. They'll need to find the master wards at some point. Like typical Zombie movies a head shot prevents them from getting back up again, so the Clock Tower Invitational did have it's purpose. Hack destroyed the Abraxan's heads. No getting up for them. They hadn't been disposed of yet because Bill was still being fixed. Sanchez and Hack were guarding the lobby and the other three were going through the levels trying to secure the area and figure out what was happening outside. Real fog of war kind of stuff.
Hope you enjoyed the creative use of Portkeys by our hero. (Since you are the hero in this fic, you should congratulate yourself!) and the amatuer weather forecast.
When I had Harry taunt the Inferi, I thought of Cuba Gooding in Jerry McGuire at the end. No wait! Let me have my moment!
Harry didn't need the visualization of Hack and Sanchez either. Like I said to the others, when the Gobs get the Bulk Transfer System working again, they can send their journals out to get updates and bring them back. You'll notice that Bill never told the OOTP how they got into the City of the Dead. Harry told Luna. Wonder if that will come back to haunt him? Sorry had to dangle that tidbit out there.
Thanks as always!~Jim
Jeff1 posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 4:45am
I really hope that we do see a round of rockem' sockem' golems in later chapters. Harry's victory celeration was a great touch it showed well that in spite of all he has gone through he is still a teenager. Keep up the great work I look forward to the next chapter.
JBern replied:
I think Harry needs to show a little bravado at some point. I'm so tired of 'don't look at me, I'm not that special Harry.' After all he's been through, he's allowed to say, 'Okay! You want some of this? Come get some!'
Thanks for the review!~Jim
Sonicdale posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 4:42am
I'm surprised.
Very.
With all the Muggle firepower going around, I'm surprised you didn't include grenades. Or at least a blooper grenade gun. I'd like to see what that does to a bunch of Inferi.
Good chapter. It'll be interesting to see what the reaction the Order and Luna have to the letters.
Hack and Sanchez? Gag. Gag gag gaggity gag. Blech.
Good work. Looking forward to the next one.
JBern replied:
I didn't want it to turn into Armor and Ordanance 101. Otherwise they'd be using 40mm fragmentation grenades and probably have a squad level machine gun doing the heavy work. Just like Harry, you'll have to wait for the Goblins to fix the Transfer system for Harry and Bill to send their journals back to the outside world to allow them to update and have the Goblins back there send them back. You'll notice Bill made no mention to the Order of how exactly they got into the Dead City. Harry told Luna. That may come back to haunt them... Then again, it might not....
Hey, Trolls can dream can't they?
Thanks!~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 4:39am
"Bill’s inspecting Kwan, Bill and Sanchez are up inspecting the wards leading to floors four and five." That Bill's a busy guy. :-) I expect one of them should be Collin or Thundercloud.
I think Harry may have a good future in weather reporting. He's spot on today. :-)
Great chapter. Thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
Argh! Thanks for keeping me honest! I'll add them to the ever growing list of things needing fixing. Glad you enjoyed Harry's foray in to Weather Forecasting.
Thanks again.~Jim
ruby tripton posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 4:27am
~~ LOVE IT! ~~
I adore Hack, great character!
I would love to see this story (please, please please) or at least this chapter from Dumbledore's or Lupin's POV. I can just imagine Dumbledore's hissy fit at Bill's letter.
It is brilliant how you made Inferi target practice an almost mundane hobby.
And finally, I must admit that kick-ass!Harry is way more likely to defeat Voldy than humble-Harry (I still dont know why Ms. JKR has left him so.... wimpy)
Looking forward to more.
R
JBern replied:
*Insert token whistling of Ruby Tuesday* Thanks for the review. I'm afraid I can't accomodate your request to change the POV at this time. It would defeat the limited perspective. See my answer to Musing of Apathy's review for why using the limited perspective, where you only have access to what Harry knows (or thinks he knows) is so much fun (for me!).
My guess is the power of true love is what will save Harry in book 7. I can't bring myself to write that. Sorry, not going to happen. Heck, in my other story I made the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not too terrifying to comptemplate using.
Thanks again for the fun review!~Jim
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 4:01am
Great chapter, things are going to get ugly down in the vaults. I can't wait to see Luna's response to Harry's letters.
MPF
JBern replied:
Well, Harry's shown an ability to think on his feet - or in some cases broom. He should be fine. Everybody else, I'm not promising anything...
Regards,
Jim
aemon_targaryen posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 12:21pm
JBern replied: