Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 3:40am

I say, very enthusiastically, Excellent Story! I love the way you have weaved this together, with such a well planned out structure.

I look forward to seeing what the reactions back in Jolly Old England are. If Luna is receiving the communications, this could change her destructive attitude tward Harry. Or maybe not.

She might find some pleasure in sharing her communications with Hermione, but that would reveal her act, so that won't work.

I guess that we'll never really know for sure what is happening in England due to the perspective of this story. Anything we're told happened has to be taken with a grain of salt as it would be second or third hand with lies spread through.

Thank you for writing and sharing this with us.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I really appreciate your compliments.   Any real interaction with Luna is going to have to wait for the sequel, though you may see a letter or two when she finally gets the courage to open the journal.

That's one of the beauties of this limited POV.   The reader has to draw their own conclusions.   Take Ron for instance.   He's never appeared in the story.   It's possible that it wasn't just Harry being paired off with Hermione that set him off.   Maybe he was a loyal friend and vowed not to go along with this deception?   Maybe that is the reason he was shuffled off to Quiddicth camp.   Maybe he got a healthy dose of Obliviation as well?   Might be true, then again might not be true, but it's something to think about.

It's things like that that haven't occurred to Harry or most of the readers either because of the limited perspective.   I think this story written in the third person wouldn't be worth a read.

Thanks again!~Jim  

 

Fernir posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 3:31am

But big giant Zombie-fests are fun! Still, some very solid battles here, and a nice continuation of Harry's attitude with respect to everything that is going on.

What confused me were Bill's letters - I have a had a hard time understanding if one was after the other, or if Bill only actually 'sent' one of them (is this even possible, given how you described their communication?)

However, I am ashamed to admit I forgot some major plot points near the beginning; ah well, time to reread...

JBern replied:

Harry needs to get a bit of an attitude.   So many stories have him doing the 'gosh oh golly, I'm nothing special'.   This version of Harry is on the path to becoming 'Hell Yeah!   Bring it on!'

Bill's first letter was sent just before they used the transfer system to assualt the bank.   His second letter was a quick after action report done during the time Harry was asleep.~Jim

Christopher Patton posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 3:27am

Well I was wondering when we'd see necrodragons. I wouldn't be surprised to see more of them down in the tunnels along with necrotrolls.

This was a very good chapter that added a lot to the ambiance or flavor to the Lost City. The message Bill sent back to the Order of Flaming Chickens was spot on. I can imagine what they might be saying when they read or hear about it, but I'm more interested in what Harry and company are doing.

I can just imagine what will happen when he does finally go back though. Everyone will say they're sorry and were doing it for the greater good/best of intentions, then Harry will respond with something along the line of "words don't mean crap but their actions show what they really think and feel".

Thanks for another great part to this story.

JBern replied:

This story has between 5-7 chapter left in it.   Harry's return home will be the start of the sequel.   The descent into the tunnels will prove deadly soon enough...

Glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim

Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 3:20am

About to get harder? Gee, things aren't bad enough? Goblin zombies, traps, wards, probably zombie dragons in the vaults, and no knowing if the horcrux is even there.

I know this is all from Harry's perspective, but I'd really, really like to know what's going on with Arthur, the other Weasleys, the Order, and Dumbledore. And Luna. Will Harry & co. get the wards off so they can get communication as well as send it? Then we'd at least get _something_ about the other events.

Great chapter; great story. Always looking forward to more.

Thanks for writing.

Tom A.

JBern replied:

Well, how many ways are there to make Zombie killing more fun than it already is?   Yes, things need to get more difficult.   Hell, I'm going to finally get to kill someone next chapter... violently I might add.

Once the Gobs get the transfer system up, they might send the journals back to the Gringott's branch to retrieve updates.~Jim

a_wanderer posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 2:57am

Ok, when did Harry see Top Gun?

Other than that minor quibble well done. I should now get back to work.
NTP

JBern replied:

If you must know it was on the television just before Bill and Harry watched Robin Hood and made fun of the actor who reminds them of Snape.   Or, it could have been on anytime during the period where Harry was at the Hotel in Rio when he wasn't with Amy or what not.   Harry probably didn't watch in-room adult movies until late at night!   :)

Jim

ichtys posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 2:35am

Hi Jim.
Thank you for another great chapter. The way the bank was filled with different enemies was quite good. I liked the surprise on the fifth floor. Am I understanding it correct that the entire city is build inside an massive cave?
I hope the Goblins will get the transfer system up and running again soon, but something tells me that won't happen until the majority of the opposition are destroyed. Or they find the Horcrux. It wouldn't be the same story if you have the cavalry arrive before we have seen some more action. It was nice to read Bill's letter to the Order/ his family, but I hope you won't turn the Weasleys more against Harry. In my opinion they, and Dumbledore and Hermione are a bit too OOC in this story. Hermione and the Weasleys have shown (in Canon) that they support Harry with everything they can. I understand that you had to make some changes to make this fic work (creating the whole "I can trust nobody" situation Harry finds himself in in chapter 3), I just hope you don't let the Weasleys continue down the path they have started on.

I look forward to read the next chapter.
Regards Ichtys

JBern replied:

Yup!   One big cave.   Repairs on things like that are delicate work and the goblins are missing half their number.   What if the best Gobs at fixing these things were the ones that died (and had to be killed again one hour later)?   Note Bill did not tell the Order how they breached the defenses of the city.   Harry told Luna, but Luna isn't in contact with the Order - at least not at the moment...

I have explanations for his 'friends' back home planned for the sequel.   It's actually fairly well thought out on my part.

Hope you noticed the thanks in the acknowledgements section!~Jim

fanfic posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 2:31am

I've got to say that I love this story more than your other story. Please keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   This one is slightly easier to write as the Harry in it is a cheeky, sarcastic kid.   That said, both stories have been a great time for me to write.~Jim

DrT posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 2:23am

Wow, lots of action in this one, and again, I think Hack is a brilliant character. Still a bit unsure as to the motives of Bill in revealing Harry's location. Harry can still be used (albeit with more difficulty) when they leave the jungle. And while Bill clearly got his points across, would the entire Order really be privy to the reports?

"T"

JBern replied:

Thanks for the compliments.   Bill and Harry agreed that once they are inside the protected city, that they would go ahead and reveal Harry's location.   The knowledge that Dumbledore was likely diverting resources to try and locate Harry endangering the rest of the OOTP prompted this.   As for when they leave the jungle, both Bill and Harry know they will have to go back to England at some point.   Might as well, state your case to the Order, who may or may not know the entire story.   If not Fleur will be making sure they do.

This lays the groundwork for Bill bringing Harry back without much bloodshed...

Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 1:44am

Whew! Looks like it just keeps getting harder for the folks there, and I'd say that the feelings that the team has now will continue to crush on them, so I hope some light at the end of the tunnel will pop up somehow, maybe Luna writing back to Harry?

JBern replied:

Thanks!   Most likely no letters from Luna for a bit.   Maybe when they get the Bulk Transfer system back on line, they can send the journals out to see if there are any replies.   Bill should at least get some after his strong words to the Order.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 22nd January 2007 3:33am

Absolutely great line; "No ugly nightmares about Tommy. Maybe he was too cheap to pay for the transoceanic option for the curse connection."

Really like that you put a human face on a manipulative Dumbledore. Most people just paint him as the bad guy until he gives into Harry. Its nice that you explain that he is still all for the "greater good" even if he was mis-guided in what he was doing.

LOL at Harry going out clubbing and getting trollied. That hangover ain't going to be pretty.

Thanks for writing!

Monkey

JBern replied:

Thanks again.   I swear I already responded to this, but oh well what can you do?   Like I said visit the forum to see a preview of chapter 18.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 22nd January 2007 3:17am

I really like the way that you use these journals as a way for Luna and Harry to communicate. A really good way to develop any possible pairing.

Its a pretty slow chapter really but it draws out some good character interaction between Harry and Bill as well as Luna and Harry.

Thanks for writing.

Monkey

JBern replied:

Thanks!~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 22nd January 2007 3:11am

Really interesting that you use Bill. Very few authors seem to care anything about the older Weasley children past killing Percy.

Absolutely love the "real Luna". Especially the fact that its all one big prank.

The fact that Harry's inner voice was Snape is both hilariously funny and qutie perverse.

I like being Harry's head this way, I think it works so well because of the highly amusing way he seems to think. I'm curious as to how you wrote it, was it just streams of consciousness that you managed to break down? I ask because at times the way you have him thinking seems so real. Like how the brain really does think but odd links and thought patterns.

Thanks for writing. I'm so glad I've got more to read!

Monkey

JBern replied:

Thought I had responded to all your reviews.   I like Bill.   I want to give you a story where he is cool instead of just implying that he is cool.   As you can see Luna's big prank may turn out to have her as the biggest victim.

Harry's inner voice sounds more like Kwan these days...

I write Harry like I think.   I have a very twisted mind.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in my forum on this site.~Jim

Graup posted a comment on Thursday 18th January 2007 10:51am

I really enjoyed your story. Interesting take on the relationship of Harry and his renegade "Prophecy" team.

I think it is also the first story I have heard to include Bill as a major character. The deviant themes were a bit much, but I laughed regularly at how you depicted Harry's life in Brazil.

I'm not sure, but didn't the Mayan civilization flourish in the Guatemala/South Mexico area? I guess they could have spread that far, but I was just wondering.

Anyway, good story, and can't wait for an update.

Thanks for sharing the story.

JBern replied:

I like Bill.   I think he deserves a shot at being a major character.   So many stories imply how cool he is.   I wanted to give you a story that actually shows him being cool.

There is some debate over how far the Mayan civilization spread.   Assuming there was magic involved, there's no reason to believe that there couldn't be ruins somewhere in South America.   I'm not trying to rewrite the history books or anything, but it shouldn't require too much suspension of disbelief.

Glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim

Jason Phillips posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 10:33am

This is the first time I have reviewed a story. I have loved this story from the first time I read it. I can't wait to see what is coming next.

JBern replied:

Thanks for taking the time to review my story.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in my section on the forums.~Jim

Exarikun posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 7:47am

aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! damn, last chapter up... it's good, very good. sucked me in after i realised it was a betrayal fic. for some reason, i like those, cause harry usually goes out on his own then and actually learns something. cool approach on the animagus thing too. incidentally, we both chose the same form for our harry to have :) actually, we both have non-standard ways of gaining the form too.

anyway, hoping you'll update soon, and that things with luna get resolved. tho i suspect they will, since it's a harry/luna pairing. unless i missed the notice that it was a friendship only fic.

JBern replied:

Any physical Harry/Luna relationship will most likely have to wait for the sequel.   A preview of chapter 18 is up in my section on the forums.   Hope I continue to exceed your expectations.~Jim

Donald McLeod posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 4:09am

Posted review on the FanFiction site so the short of it ...WoW!! great job well worth the work on this stile of wrighting. Thank you

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I start working on the next chapter soon.   Hope to hear from you again.~Jim

CRose posted a comment on Saturday 13th January 2007 3:43am

The next chapter of this is going to be really interesting. I had problems reading this at first and couldn't get past the first two chapters because they made no sense to me at all. Like two completely different stories being told at the same time. Things started to make more sense to me as I finished ch3. Now i'm looking forward to seeing what comes next. This is going to be fun.

Luna on the other hand...hard to say. Good luck!

JBern replied:

Glad you took the time to follow along with the story and that it finally make sense.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in my section on the forums.~Jim

Sterling posted a comment on Thursday 11th January 2007 4:02pm

This has been incredibly good so far. I am really looking forward to your updates.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in the forums section.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Thursday 11th January 2007 10:11am

Wow! That first chapter was great and funny but this develops in such a way you just don't see it coming at all. Grear that they tried him out with Ginny and Hermione. Really liked the broom accident cause. lol!

Makes sense as to why he was so disgruntled in the first chapter!

Really like this! Keep it up please!

Monkey

JBern replied:

Thanks again for the reviews.   I'm catching up on my replies obviously as I am waiting on final input and beta of chapter 29 for my other story (should be up in a few days).

My goal in this story is to give you a complete Harry experience as seen from inside his mind, hearing his thoughts and seeing the world through his eyes.

Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Thursday 11th January 2007 9:20am

Oh My God!!! Awesome chapter! I've read To Fight the Coming Darkness and thought that great but this has to be one of the funniest and cleverest opening chapters I've ever read. Bravissimo!

The fact that you quickly and systematically disect Harry's life thus far and do with such wit and sarcasm is trully brilliant. I'd like to pick up on lines I love but there would just be FAR to many. The line about the shotgun was great and the stuff about the trolls and Crabble and Goyle! lol!

Really liked the idea of Spellchaining! Liked the still subtle stuff about Harry being Bloody powerful!

I'm so glad there is so much more to read I look forward to it, and beg that you make sure you keep writing this and thanks for writing it in the first place!

Monkey

JBern replied:

And here I thought you've read this already.   In that case sharpen your Ax, because you are in for a treat.   You picked the right time to get into it as I just posted chapter 17 which finally gets you back to the action in chapter 1.   Enjoy.   Let me know what you think.~Jim