Lufio posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 4:45am

Whee! We've finally come full-circle. Looking forward as to what they'll find in that "Land of the Dead".

Man, Luna went off on Harry. Heh. You weren't kidding when you said she was going to get defensive. And since you said Harry's unlikely to get any messages from Luna, it's going to be a long while before we find out what happened with her. Will we have to wait for the sequel to find out?

JBern replied:

Yeah, considering I was originally planning to get here about 7 chapters ago.   The side story arcs became much more involved than I thought they would have.

As for Luna, we've heard the last from her until the closing chapters of this story.~Jim

uNople posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 4:38am

wow. just wow. Seriously, this is one of the top five stories I have ever read, and probably the most 'real' Harry as well.

The second-person perspective is funky.

The Luna situation is something that while I don't really like strikes me as something that would happen in real life. Arguments are such wonderful things, yes?

I'm immensely looking forward to your next chapter.

JBern replied:

I am pleased you enjoy the look into Harry's mind and at least appreciate the realism of his and Luna's failing friendship.   Next chapter in probably 2 weeks.~Jim

Paul Dueck posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 4:36am

Yes! Amazing!

Action writing is defiantly your strong suit so keep it up.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 4:28am

Wow, a really great chapter, and the interaction between Harry and Luna was fierce to say the least. I do hope that Luna will be able to vcome around, and the the two of them might give each other a better chance with themselves.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the compliments.   We'll have to see about Luna.~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Saturday 6th January 2007 7:42pm

Excellent chapter and excellent story. Your take on the characters is very original. I especially like how you are using Bill in this story.

Harry is finding that a love life is not as simple as our hormones would lead us to believe. I look forward to how you will approach Laura and her request. With that you will have to ask yourself what response would be in character, and if both are, which can you best work through in Harry's logical thought process.

I do, though, look forward most to returning to the events of the first chapter, which you have promised shortly, thanks.

Thank you for writing and sharing.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

The new chapter will be out midweek.    It's actually done, but I am trying to pace myself and get a jump on my next chapters.   Hopefully, you've found this an interesting take on being inside the mind of Harry.~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Saturday 6th January 2007 1:53pm

Why, Yes, I did like your version of the Animagus process. Sure, it was a two week deal, all together (from the time it was proposed) so it had the benefit of being quick, but your description was vivid and engaging, so it wasn't just a checkmark on a list.

Thank you for writing.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

It was only fast because Harry was 'ready' for the transformation.   Had he not gotten a response from T-Cloud's totem, Harry would have been studying for a long time.   When I conceived this, I looked at it from the angle of why couldn't Harry learn Occlumency in book 5.   He was an emotional volcano beyond all the teenaged crap.   So, I made him on the verge of unleashing his animal and athe foriegn emotions and transition into becoming an Animagus has been affecting him for at least the last year.~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Saturday 6th January 2007 11:11am

Still enjoying your story.

Last paragraph, third sentence, you used the wrong "their" it should have been "there"

Thanks for writing.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Added to the list.   I seem to do that one all the time.~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Saturday 6th January 2007 9:24am

Just started the story and found a couple of mistakes. Really, I'm not trying to be a stick in the mud, I really like the story, else I wouldn't say anything. I like the perspective that you are telling it from, although it took some getting used to.

Now to the corrections:

It’s a change form having people fall all over themselves in front of you. She obviously thinks you are the Boy-Who-Shouldn’t-Be-Here.

Should be "change from having"

Second: Luna's return letter should be in Italics, so that it looks like the rest of the letters.

Thanks for writing a great story and I'm glad that you have joined us. After I get caught up with this story, I'll read your other.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I don't mind at all.   I'll add them to the list of corrections for the next time I do housekeeping on the story.   I always wanted to do a second person story.   If done properly, it gives the reader a truly immersive experience.~Jim

koppe posted a comment on Saturday 6th January 2007 2:36am

Great start.
Intense and actionfilled -- and with a bit of angst, mystery, betrayel and flashbacks to boot... doesn't get much better than that!
I hope we'll get more details about how Ron, Hermione and Ginny(?) -- and others -- betrayed him... and I hope they'll eventually reconcile (to some degree at least).
I must admit I hope Harry will use spell-chaining against Malfoy -- or maybe Sanpe or Lucius -- at school and showing once and for all who's best... that'll use it againt Voldemort is probably somewhat of a given.
Keep up the good work.
-Koppe

JBern replied:

Thank you.   Chapter 17 finally gets us back to chapter 1.   It will be out midweek.   Actually, spellchaining is most effective when you are outnumbered and need a high rate of fire.   In a complex duel between two opponents rate of fire might give way to using powerful spells.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Saturday 30th December 2006 8:23am

Here's a few beta-ish things I found:

"You’ve didn’t feel that when you used Crucio..."

You’ve didn’t -> You didn't

"You send you’re cutter..."

you're -> your

"...open is now in it’s correct position."

it's -> its

"Two options grab a weapon..."

Add comma between options and grab.

"No wait!"

Add comma between no and wait.

"...you retrieve your back of galleons."

back -> bag

"...and to resist the corruption goes with this new life."

Add with between corruption & goes.

Good fight scene. Knowing you, now that he's had a few successes, I bet he's going to find out hard that the 'kitty' can't solve all problems--or even just the violent ones.

Geez, he as good as told her who he is? Stupid kitty cook! :-)

I find it rather surprising that the Ministry would go to that much trouble to try to reign in the Quibbler. Must be Umbridge, personally.

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the corrections.   I'll fix them when I do my next round of housekeeping.   I really appreciate it.   The next chapter will be out midweek.   ~Jim

ThunderGod posted a comment on Friday 29th December 2006 7:06pm

woohoo..I get back from my brothers..and have found things to read..including this..had to read it even if all that long distance travelling has given me a headache..

great chapter

ThunderGod

JBern replied:

Thanks!   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Patches posted a comment on Tuesday 26th December 2006 11:21pm

Thanks for writing. I know the holidays can be really hectic. I like this chapter. A little gory but, Hey! Harry is a Jaguar! They are the real King of the jungle! I glad Harry got Karina's life straightened out. It would be great if Chico's grandfather accepts him. It is really too bad Luna's dad is getting the bad deal. Hopefully Harry can help her and their friendship won't suffer from all this stress.
Again, thanks for writing. I look forward to your next update. pms

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   Like I said when I first introduced it, Harry's animagus form is here to stay.   It isn't just some 'oh lets make him an animagus' like a checklist.   Next chapter will be out midweek.~Jim

MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Monday 25th December 2006 4:33pm

Another Great chapter, It would be nice if Harry is able to help Luna in someway. Update soon.

MPF

JBern replied:

Thanks.   It would be nice if Harry could help Luna.   Though you have to remember help is a four letter word.   Hope you are having a great holiday season.~Jim

Jason9 posted a comment on Monday 25th December 2006 4:30pm

Just got up to date on the story, and reviewed for a couple of other stories. I'm really beginning to get into the 2nd person writing, and I hope you find the experience to be a meaningful one. On a side note, some dialogue is incredibly difficult to follow in this perspective, but I can deffinately appreciate the effort in doing something unique like this. I'm really loving the in depth ward and curse breaking, something that most stories completly ignore, gloss over, or explain with gigantic logic holes. I also think your characterization of Harry, and espicially Bill are spot on, picking up all the big positives and negatives. The only thing that I would like to caution you about is that many authors forget that their characters are supposed to be human, and as such, will mess up and end up on the losing end occasionaly. As much as I love Jeconais' writing, as he pulls off super!Harry very well, I'm sick of perfect!Harry. Sorry, that last bit is just a bit of a pet peeve with me. So to summarize my long winded review, Love the story, doing a great job.

JBern replied:

Wow!   A speed reader!   2nd person does take a bit of getting used to, but I think it can be even more immersive than 1st person - really allowing the reader to get into Harry's mind.   I've never seen a story that went that far into Curse Breaking and Ward Crafting, so I decided to do one as well as try a radical approach to Animagery.   I'll look at the dialogue and see where there can be some improvements.

My version of Harry will always make mistakes.   Mistakes like getting involved with a single mother, winding up in a situation where he has to fight his way out of a trap.   Further pissing off a young and insecure Ravenclaw.   I won't even go into the mistakes my other story has that Harry making.   Glad you like the characterization of Bill and Harry in this one.~Jim

Jason9 posted a comment on Monday 25th December 2006 4:21pm

Just a quick heads-up, and I really hate to nitpick, but making a shotgun lighter will make it kick more, not less. If you want the physical proof (as in mathmatics) I'll be happy to provide it. Other than that, I tried not to read this story for as long as possible because of the whole 2nd person thing, but love your other story so much, I finally caved, and now I'm hooked on this one. Keep up the great work, and feel free to ask me questions about the physics of the real world. I'm no genius, but I do have an engineering degree.

JBern replied:

Very true, but the cushioning charm is there to handle the increased kick.   The lightening charm is to allow Harry to better handle the weight of the shotgun.   You gotta love magic.

Glad you broke down and gave the story a try.   Hope you have an enjoyable Holiday season.~Jim

Magnificent the Destroyer Lord posted a comment on Monday 25th December 2006 4:04pm

There's a Young Frankenstein reference? (too lazy/busy to find it... *sighs* Is it in reference to the corpses or to the rather interesting bedscenes?

Thanks and good luck with the next chapter

M*T*D*L*

P.s. Is there a way to put up fiction on this website?

JBern replied:

Frau Blucher was one of the characters in Young Frankenstein.   Though I should have had Fleur ask Harry if he wanted a 'roll in zey hay'....

As for posting on this site, refer to the FAQs.   Tim explains it all there.   It's his sandbox, I just kept to play in the sand.

Jim

Mark Blaine posted a comment on Monday 25th December 2006 2:34pm

Good work.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Hope you had a Merry Xmas.~Jim

Paul Dueck posted a comment on Monday 25th December 2006 5:07am

Good Chapter, and Merry Christmas.

PD

JBern replied:

Thanks. I hope you are having a Merry Xmas as well!   Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 10:23pm

Good chapter! Will review later when fully awake.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I look forward to it.   Merry Xmas -Jim

dboris posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 7:45pm

Awwww I'm checking every hour for new chapters and I'm usually all the time checking all the time in DLP.net for new chapters. It seems I missed your post =(

Well, it's a good chapter.

Thank you for the wonderful morning I have thanks to you.

Merry Christmas.

JBern replied:

Thank you for your compliments.   I hope the rest of your Xmas is just as good.~Jim