By JBern
Reviews
Crys posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 1:22pm
> polished marble floors and about one hundred kilos of accelerating feline are not a good combination
*laugh* Why did a scene from a cartoon suddenly spring to mind? :)
> Frau leaves to summon the PdM and probably check on some human spleen muffins she has baking
Harry, you need to bring your brain back to Earth. Though you've had a REALLY rough day to this point, so I suppose I can't get too upset with your PoV.
> You do realize there is a chance that incidents like tonight may somehow find there way into my speech?"
You realize that that will merely put all the Weasleys into brain-lock . . .
> Is it tempting fate to wonder how much worse it will get?
YES
Fun story, Jim. One great big thread tied off. Luna's life getting flushed by the MoM thread just starting.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it! I figured Harry wouldn't quite know what to do with marble floors. I seem to remember seeing a little weiner mutt spin out on a floor it was running on and smack into the kitchen cabinets. It was the inspiration for my scene.
I'm sure Human Spleen muffins are full of protien.
Provided they make it that far, Harry's best man speech should be entertaining.~Jim
stgilman10 posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 12:49pm
When you mentioned Frau Blucher, you should have had some off-screen magical animal make its signature noise.
JBern replied:
It was tempting to mention the griffons screaming at the sound of her name. Many think Blazing Saddles is Brooks' best movie. I still love Young Frankenstein.~Jim
jzysman posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 10:50am
Man I love this fic! Heavy Chapter with Luna.. I am starting to feel like Harry needs to take a quick trip to England and open a can of whoopass on the Ministry... or at least terminate Umbridge's contract with extreme prejudice.
JBern replied:
Next chapter will be equally as heavy with Luna. If Harry could get away with it, he probably would go back and do something about Umbridge. He's been on both sides of the fence now. He has seen what a corrupt Ministry (England) can do to you and what a corrupt Ministry (Brazil) can do for you. More on that next chapter.... Happy Holidays - Jim
Bedrup posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 10:40am
Great fight! I like how you managed to basically write Karina out of Harry ´s life without killing her. I didn ´t expect that. Great writing. Looking forward to the next few chapters very much. Going back to met the dead heads.
JBern replied:
Thank you. I had hoped to get all the way back to the events of chapter 1, alas it was not meant to be. The chapter started to run on. Karina will still pop up now and then, but her role is now significantly diminished. Happy Holidays - Jim
jb238 posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 3:18pm
Fascinating story! I like the warding and the native Americans. I'm curious what happens next.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. I start chapter 16 either today or tomorrow. With some luck and inspiration, it will be done before the weekend.~Jim
Sadrice posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 9:36am
Really excellent fic. I absolutely love your representation of runes and your characterization of Harry. Please update!
JBern replied:
Thank you for your review. I put a good deal of effort into runes, warding and animagery. It's nice when people compliment my hard work. I start working on chapter 16 in the next 24 hours.~Jim
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Sunday 10th December 2006 8:48pm
Anyway, he casts the spell because he is certain it will work. Just like in POA when he knows he can cast a corporeal Patronus.
Casting corporeal Patronus is not that good example, because he had learned to cast Patronus, he had only trouble casting it corporeal. But in HBP Harry cast Sectumsempra succesfully on first try after reading instructions in the book. And in "Bungle..." he cast succesfully Cruciatus.
His dodgespell glove is not charged. He may use it later, he may not. Like the ward in his pocket. It is there to give me options as I write the battle that I may or may not use. It also piques the reader's curiousity wondering what Harry's options in this fight are.
I hope that Harry haven't forgot that he can Apparate (even if there are anti-Apparition wards, I think they are not geared against Apparition within them, not in/out Apparition). And that Kwan teaught him kind of battle Apparition...
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. The wards on the property are designed to prevent all apparition. Otherwise the moment they stepped on the property, they could have apparated to the guesthouse and not be concerned with when the guards make their patrols. I am just about ready to start chapter 16. Hopefully, you'll enjoy the scene I have planned.~Jim
cyberpurple posted a comment on Sunday 10th December 2006 10:35am
ARGH what a cliff to leave it on. But what a chapter! I'm left wondering if that curse will work for Harry but I think in this story it will. I really enjoyed this, thank you.
JBern replied:
Rest assured the curse will do 'something'. There how is that for a noncommitted answer? Glad you enjoyed it. I am starting on chapter 16 today or tomorrow.~Jim
stgilman10 posted a comment on Saturday 9th December 2006 4:21pm
You have astounding powers of observation. You think Costner's Robin Hood movie's Sherrif looks like Snape? I personally think he looks more like that German guy who's falling, yeah, 'bout 80 floors, make that 65, damn he's falling fast, and ooh, nice impact. Nice toss, McLane! Watch out for the brother though. He'll bomb your ass if you can't give him exactly 4 gallons of water...
JBern replied:
I was trying to figure a way to work a Die Hard reference in there as well, but I haven't found the right moment. Maybe, I'll have Harry say, 'Welcome to the party, Pal.' at some point and see who gets it.~Jim
Donald McLeod posted a comment on Saturday 9th December 2006 2:32pm
This a greath story and very deferint way of wrighting too. I like it. Your story 'Bungle in the Jungle' grab me on the 2nd chapter and held on, I relly can't wate for more. Oh yes I love the line 'I've seen England I've seen France..ecta. I could go on and on about each of the Chapters so fare, there all top shelf. Nice cliffy too.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. I am glad you have been enjoying the story. Not that many people comented on the I see England line. I thought it would have gotten more mentions in the reviews. Anyway, I am about to start chapter 16 and resolve that pesky cliffhanger.~Jim
stgilman10 posted a comment on Saturday 9th December 2006 1:02pm
If I ever write a fic that has a Manipulative!Dumbles and Angry!Harry, I will without a doubt ask permission to use Weasley Family Detention and Reeducation Center and Institute for Advanced Student Manipulation. Absolutely Brilliant.
I started off with TFtCD, because at first the 2nd person put me off of this, but this is really well done! Good show, now I can read an update regardless of the story. One thing, though, for a while, you would update TFtCD with 3-5 chapters at a time, every 3 days or so. What happened to that? That was the ultimate in fic reading, when a good fic has a very big update very often. Keep 'em coming, but however quickly you need. Thanks a lot.
JBern replied:
I was posting the other story so fast because I had 24 chapters already written and posted on two other sites. It was just a matter of trying to clean them up and get them up here. On my normal schedule, I try to update TFTCD one week and Bungle the next.
Glad you are enjoying the story and the disturbing look into Harry's mind.~Jim
Sterling posted a comment on Friday 8th December 2006 4:22pm
This was a very good chapter. Not much to say other then I await your next with pleasant anticipation :-)
JBern replied:
Chapter 27 of my other story is taking longer than I had wanted, but I will be starting on chpater 16 of this one either today or tomorrow. Thanks for the review.~Jim
ichtys posted a comment on Friday 8th December 2006 1:51am
Hi Jim.
I've just finished reading this story yesterday, and I thought it definitely warranted a review.
So many things to say, but where to start and how to say it?...
I really like the way you portray Bill in this story. He is now a very close friend of Harry's, and in a way I see him as the grown up older brother that Harry never had. An adult that knows that what his family does perhaps isn't always the best thing to do, but at the same time hasn't forgot how it is to be a teenager. I like the way he is willing to trust Harry, and the way he shows he cares without mollycoddling or rants about irresponsible behaviour. His humor is also very good, and his competitive streak is funny too (his reaction to Maria beating him in their little contest).
Hawk: very funny character, but at the same time someone that is willing to back Harry 100%. I like the image of a Troll trying to learn paper-rock-scissor.
The first chapter was a bit like being somewhere and suddenly someone removes the blind-fold from your eyes. I had an idea for improving Harry's shotgun. In NofP by Veridian there is mentioned a pistol with a conjuration spell in the magazine. I realise that due to time constraints it was unlikely for Harry and co. to come up with such a solution in the few days before chapter one, but perhaps sometime in the future.
The narrative style was a bit confusing at first. I think I took a quick glance at this story on FF when I saw you was included as a new author here, but for some reason it didn't catch me. I'm very glad that I decided to read it, it is truly an amazing story. The narrative style is somehow dragging the reader into the center of this story, and I can honestly say that I'm truly hooked. So congratulation, you now have a new fan, demanding updates ASAP (read yesterday ;) ).
Another Character I really like is Kwan (though I wouldn't like him as teacher!)
The whole Karina plot-line is interesting, and I really like to read the fight in the next chapter. I think I would have targeted the one who had imperio'ed Don first. That would have given Harry another 'ally', and removed two threats at once. When will Harry learn that he has to communicate some more. Yes I know he had Aurors with him, but why couldn't he have apparated to Bill, mentioning where he was going and why?
Well I think that will be it for now, I hope you can make sense of my ramblings.
Regards Ichtys
JBern replied:
Thanks for the long review. I am glad you like Bill's development as a character. Too many stories imply Bill is this cool guy. I wanted to give you a story where Bill is a cool guy.
In the first chapter, Harry's shotgun is equipped with a reloading charm tied to an ammo box. It allowed him to fire 159 times before running out of ammo. 9 rounds in the weapon initially and 150 in the charmed ammo box. It also had a silencing charm and a cushioning charm. I stayed away from conjuration as a solution. It felt too 'easy' if you follow my meaning. The way I portray magic in my stories, conjuration is one of the most difficult branches of magic. It is in essence creating something out of nothing. So, his weapon is as charmed as it is likely to get.
As for notification, Bill knew he was headed to Karinas. Bill after check in went to meet Fleur arriving in Sao Paulo. Harry would have had to get to Sao Paulo and locate Bill or apparate back to the hotel to leave word. Paulo and Amanda would have prevented this had he tried. He would have been stunned and would have awoken in the room a little later. This way was more dramatic for the readers.~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 7th December 2006 7:57am
Very interesting. I loved the tomb excursions, and the goblin ghost is also very inspired. You also brought the events around Karina to a head finally. I'm looking forward to see how this resolves. Actually, I wonder why Harry didn't just go along with the order to use the Reducto on Nina. He was going to kill her anyway, so he didn't need to blow his cover just yet, except for that need to have her know this is judgment day for her.
I'm also looking forward to how Harry answers Luna's letter. I don't quite understand why she insists on writing as 'Looney' around him, unless it has actually grown to be more than a facade over all those years she has been keeping it up.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Quizer
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review! Harry still isn't sure about killing the old man, who would be jumping head first into his reductor curse. He opts to take out the person he most wants to see die at the moment and who is also his biggest perceived threat.
As for Luna, read some of my responses to other reviews on this chapter and you should get an idea.~Jim
Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Thursday 7th December 2006 6:01am
Just an excellent chapter! The schtick with eleven herbs and spices was a riot.
Harry building up to using the AK was very well thought out and sharply executed.
Great work!
JBern replied:
To me, there has always been something magical about KFC original. So nice and tasty....
Harry's had just about one betrayal too many at this point. He's been pushed around enough and it's time to start pushing back.
Glad you enjoyed the chapter.~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 7th December 2006 5:31am
Great chapter. I liked the animagus ritual. This story is starting to remind me even more strongly of Dorothy's 'Junior Year Abroad'.
I'm glad to hear that the animagus form will play a vital part in this story; you are right in that it will often be only used in a check-off manner and then forgotten about. While Harry turning into a large feline is not particularly novel, I'm interested to see what you will be doing with it, and confident that you will manage to use it for a novel purpose. Also, I doubt that there are many animagus-related things left that haven't been done with Harry before.
like I said, great stuff, and keep up the good work!
Quizer
JBern replied:
I will have to look for that story. It sounds interesting. This story is about two major schools of magic, Curse Breaking and Animagery. I am trying to put a novel spin on them both and make it harder for the next two knut hack who decides to make Harry an animagus in one chapter without any real effort.~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 7th December 2006 3:32am
Great chapter. This was pure enjoyment to read as well. The curse breaker apprenticeship Bill gives Harry is utterly fascinating to read; I haven't seen anything like your rune magic theories before. The Curious George thing was also very inspired and struck me as highly entertaining. I'm looking forward to reading more of this.
Quizer
JBern replied:
Thanks for taking time to read my story. I am glad you are enjoying Harry's lessons in runes and life. He gets another lesson in other magical arts in the coming chapters and in fair warning, I must ask that you refrain from drinking or eating anything as you approach the end of each chapter. You'll know why eventually.~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 7th December 2006 1:58am
Fun story. The second person perspective writing style was quite difficult to get into, but I think I got used to it now. It was especially confusing because the way you started the first chapter didn't make it immediately obvious, because of the whole 'what would you do with the last five minutes of your life' shtick.
I'm usually not one for betrayal themes, but the unique perspective and the way Harry gradually discovers the treachery made it very intriguing and fun to read. I do hope we'll eventually see some payback coming.
I like your version of Luna. I haven't seen anyone else play on the idea that Luna is completely faking her attitude like this, even though it should be a rather obvious idea. The idea that not her, but her father is the mentally challenged one, is quite unique and well-conceived of.
will continue to read now
Quizer
JBern replied:
Glad you could get into the 2nd person as well as the betrayal theme. I also have never scene Luna done as acting her part. Though as you will see, the easiest person out there to lie to is ... yourself.~Jim
Rake posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 5:51pm
P.P.S. or maybe...."I'll write on your tombstone, 'i thank you for dinner.'"....that would be a great title
JBern replied:
Don't know if I will make it that far in the lyrics before I finish, but if I do that will be an interesting chapter.
Manatheron posted a comment on Sunday 24th December 2006 6:01pm
JBern replied: