By JBern
Reviews
Paul Dueck posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 4:32pm
Gahh!!!
Update or you will be sexually assaulted by ambidextrous armadillos!
JBern replied:
Disturbing visual. Sadly, I need to get back to my other story first. Thanks anyway and tell the armadillos that I have a headache.~Jim
Matt Harris posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 4:04pm
First of all, I want to say that this is a truly *awesome* fic. Your usage of the second person works really well for immersing oneself in Harry's POV.
I like the way that the letters between Harry and Luna not only build their relationship, they also kind of serve to highlight the world most teens live in against the far more dangerous world Harry lives in
One question - is Harry's use of the Killing Curse a wise tactical choice here? His track record with casting spells successfully on the first attempt is pretty poor, if I recall correctly. Considering that he has the element of surprise, a well-placed blasting or cutting curse is likely to take Paolo out and Harry knows he can cast them.
I did notice a couple of spelling errors: passed this problem" should be "past this problem" and " "the couldn’t kill" should be "they couldn’t kill". Also, should the can in "I can believe" be "can't"? Seems to make more sense to me.
As does everybody else, I anxiously await the next installment in 2 or 3 (*sob*) weeks.
JBern replied:
No problems. I will make the fixes after I finish responding to reviews. Glad you are enjoying Harry's POV so much. His use of the killing curse probably isn't the best move, nor is his targeting of Paulo. Nonetheless, it is intentional on my part as the author. To back up from canon, there was a point where Harry pointed his wand across a lake and knew he could summon a corporeal patronus. He is just as certain this time as well. Will it be enough?
Jim
Rudy Henkel posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 3:41pm
Hardcore! I love the Darkish-Harry!
Minor: I need to get passed this problem.
Should be:
I need to get past this problem.
Looking forward to more!
JBern replied:
I'll fix it as soon as I finish responding to reviews. Glad you liked it.~Jim
Finbar posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 3:24pm
Damm, a Killing Curse, not too worried about legalities is he now. I hope this doesnt lead to him being hunted/arrested in Brazil because he cast it?
I find it interesting that he cant get Clarity in his Animagus form, is this due to his inability to give up control?
Damm good chapter of a great fic.
JBern replied:
Well considering they were trying to use imperio on him, he went with the deadly force option. As for ramifications, he plans to survive the battle first and deal with whatever happens next.
His clarity problem is about to go away. Part of the block he was experiencing revolved around the fact that he needed to accept that he is a predator and a killer by nature.~Jim
a_wanderer posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 2:44pm
A fun read, thank you. Making Harry fairly hard aren't you? Be interesting how the next meeting between Harry and Dumbledore goes.
NTP
nitpick: it's "past" not "passed"
JBern replied:
Yeah, I gotta fix that passed one. Harry has become decidedly jaded after all this betrayal. Paulo probably picked the wrong person to use as a fall guy. Harry and Dumbledore together again. It won't happen until the sequel, but there should be some fireworks.~Jim
Cuey posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 2:28pm
Wow, AK on Paulo? Nice little twist at the end, good chapter.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. I put a good deal of effort into it.~Jim
Lufio posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 2:27pm
Whee! Harry gets to take on humans this time. Eagerly await what happens next. Really curious of your portrayal of the "Lost City of the Dead".
Was really amused by the troll explanation on animagi, too. And the goblin tunnel was cute.
JBern replied:
Glad you are enjoying the story. The city of the dead is coming up in 2 chapters. Next chapter finishes the fight and moves on to goblin negotiations with Luna and Harry's relationship coming to a boil.~Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 12:56pm
Nice work, as always, the different perspective is a refreshing change from the norm. Keep up the great work!
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it.~Jim
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 12:43pm
Please compare how previous chapter looks like, and how this one looks, especially regarding font size.
Yeah, I know look isn't most important (I use Mozilla and can easily make font smaller (using Ctrl-Minus), but it is a bit annoying.
Thanks for a good chapter. It looks like the events of 1st chapter are close.
Grrr... evil cliffie. Had Harry informed others about that he went with the rescue mission?
JBern replied:
I had previously used Times Roman with 12 point font. I actually had some people contact me and asked me to go a bit bigger on the font size. If it's that much of a pain, I'll consider going back.
Bill knew that Harry was going to Karina's. He never had a chance to go back, plus he had two fully trained Aurors with him. Why should he worry?
Glad you liked it. I'll keep an open mind about appearance. If more complaints, then I'll revert.~Jim
Sean Dillon posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 12:27pm
Sniff, ickle Harriekins all grown up and throwing AKs around.
Hmmm... Paulo, Miguel, Amanda, and Nina are goners. Kill the old man or not. The guards know Karina and Chico were there. Does Nikolai have other blood heirs? Was Chico's daddies death really an accident or was it Miguel eliminating the competition?
Sounds like lots of stress back in Merry Ol England and Luna is dealing with it as best she can. Harry needs to lighten up just a bit.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. If you want some food for thought, part of Harry's block has with his animal is accepting that he is a predator and from an animal point of view death and killing is part of the circle of life.
There is probably a lot of back story to the whole Colastos saga. If someone survives, they might fill Harry in a bit.
Luna is struggling to communicate with someone and not be Looney. She might be discovering that her alter ego has become a liability.~Jim
Crys posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 12:25pm
the Luna/Looney thing . . . I'm wondering if it's for more than just teen 'ship angst that it's coming up. I can see Harry's point, but he's kinda heavy handed on how he's coming across.
The Harry & Thundercloud & Kwan training progresses, as well as Animagi training. Entertaining stuff to read your theories of spellcasting methods.
*snerk* Harry gets his animagus answer from Hack of all people. Something poetic in that. Hack's entertaining as always with his "crunchies" line.
Jim, could I politely ask that you get a good beta? "trigger and earthquake" ?
Harry & Bill banter still very amusing.
> "I’ve also heard there is this powerful force called magic. There are these things called spells and potions. They can actually change a person into an animal for a short time."
*snicker*
Ah! That explains why everyone came over as animals in the first chapter.
Interesting to see how that fight scene you just started will end up playing out.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I actually posted it prior to beta. The faux pas is all me. Harry is being a bit heavy handed with Luna. She has a problem trying to figure out how to communicate with someone without being Looney. It's all set to boil over next chapter and I hope it comes off as more than just siple teenaged angst.
I really enjoy writing Hack. Many authors make Ron into this creature with no manners or couth. I replace Ron with an actual creature with no manners and no idea even how to spell couth much less what it is.
For Bill and Harry, I always picture those dialogues between Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon series or some of those other 'Buddy Movies'.
Thanks again~Jim *goes off to trigger and earthquake*
Bedrup posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 12:21pm
What a horrible cliffhanger! You ´d better post a new chapter tomorrow, buster. On the other hand, it ´s a great chapter. You ´re forgiven. What ´s up with Luna. Is the engine not firing on all cylinders, after all? I guess her rather elaborate prank can ´t be the product of an all together sound and happy mind.
JBern replied:
Actually I have to write chapter 27 for my other story before people start sharpening pointy sticks to poke me with. You are closer than you think about Luna. The easiest person to lie to is yourself. That's set to boil over next chapter.~Jim
Malaskor posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 11:32am
Another excellent addition :)
I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes on - a possibility I see is that Harry needs to activate the rune in the money bag... guess we will see then how effective it really is :)
JBern replied:
Well Amanda has the money bag. Harry still has the rune. Glad you enjoyed it. I still don't have the whole battle played out in my mind. I have some options for how to play out the battle.~Jim
Princess Fictoria posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 11:11am
Fabulous!!! I soooo very much love this story. I hope that you update soon. I can hardly wait to see what else happens to poor Harry before he is in that oh, so verbotten city.
JBern replied:
Only one more chapter until we are back to chapter 1. Glad you enjoyed it. I've put a good deal of effort in it.~Jim
James posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 11:01am
:( shmae on you. Not another Cliffhanger.
JBern replied:
I normally use cliffhangers in my other stories. This one, I typically use cheeky one liners as punchlines. I haven't used a cliffhanger in this story in several chapters.~Jim
coronal posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 10:45am
AAAAAHHH!!
a cliffy! a cliffy and so close to the bitchin' Harry from Chpt. 1?! evil, evil author!
that aside, a brilliant chapter, and I really like this story. I'm really looking forward to the next update.
JBern replied:
Well, I'll have to live with it. Next update in 2 weeks, maybe 3 with Xmas coming up.~Jim
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 10:12am
Gah. What a horrible HTML code. [p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"] [span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"] [font face="Times New Roman"] (and the font size is larger than default for this site. Save as HTML straight from MS Word?
JBern replied:
Wrote it in word and saved as HTML using New Times Roman 14pt. I don't quite get the point of your review. What kind of browser are you using? The story appears fine to me? If I was a web page designer I suppose I would be offended, but I am not.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 10:04am
Evil cliffhanger!
I'm kind of drawing a blank right now for additional commentary, so I'll leave it at that.
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Chapter 16 in two weeks maybe 3 with Xmas coming up.~Jim
Crys posted a comment on Saturday 2nd December 2006 6:16am
Jeez, Paulo, just propose to her. Simplify many things all at once.
Glad Bill's torqued off at him. He deserves a much worse tongue-lashing than Bill gave him. A good messenger spell (which we know, canonically, exists) could solve several problems on that front.
Ooh, good fight scene. Kudos on that.
> Hack just called Sanchez pretty.
*laugh* I like Hack. He's lots of fun.
Glad he has his own book now. Move him along the path of doing the job for real.
Ah, well hopefully that'll clear up the Karina problem. She represents a whole "growing up" thing, but still is a complication he could do without.
Damn, Kwan's a real bastard, isn't he? Quite effective as a teacher, maybe, but still.
Good yarn you're weaving. Looking forward to more.
JBern replied:
I think you'll be surprised by what is about to happen. There's a tease of the first 3000 words up on Darklordpotter. My forum on this site has the link to it.
Kwan is a motivator isn't he. Kwan, Thundercloud, Bill and of course Hack get some quaility time in chapter 15.
Also curious about your thoughts on my version of Luna "Crazy Like a Fox" Lovegood.
Jim
jmcqk6 posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 4:57pm
JBern replied: