Renzo7 posted a comment on Sunday 12th November 2006 3:50pm

Lol, hillarious. That ending was excellent. Good to see you're keeping Harry's performance in battle realistic and not giving him too much luck. Get your beta to read chapters twice before sending them back, this one had lots of repeated paragraphs... Still, great work, I hope you update soon.

JBern replied:

Nah, it was somthing in the HTML that popped up over the weekend.   It wasn't there initially, but I have corrected it.   I used the same HTML to upload the chapter to ficwad and it wasn't there.   Strange...

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.   Poor Harry got stuck with the rearguard.~Jim

 

fairyp80 posted a comment on Sunday 12th November 2006 3:12pm

This is a very interesting story. It is a challenge to read, if only for the person it is written in. I can only imagine how difficult it might be to write....

JBern replied:

Thank you for the review.   I think the use of 2nd person grows on you after awhile.   Honestly it isn't that hard to write in - maybe I'm just weird though.   :)

Jim

Renzo7 posted a comment on Sunday 12th November 2006 12:51pm

Honduras!!! that's my home country, nice to see it appear somewhere around here(the fanfiction world). Would be nice if Harry could stop by the Bay Islands, where the world's second largest coral reef is located. I like this story, and am reading it since yesterday, it's very enjoyable, I also like the different perspective, keep it up!

JBern replied:

I'll keep the Bay Islands in mind for later in the story if they portkey back to the US again.   It sounds really nice.   Glad you enjoy the unique perspective.~Jim

Mard posted a comment on Sunday 12th November 2006 12:13pm

Hahahaha I like Kwan!

I notice you sometimes repeat the same paragraph twice differently. Did you forget to delete the first one?

JBern replied:

Nah something strange happened to the html.   It wasn't there initially and I just went back and corrected it.   I used the same html to load the chapter up to ficwad and it didn't occur there.   I'll probably have to mention it to Jeconais.

Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Sterling posted a comment on Sunday 12th November 2006 6:36am

I really like this story...I'm usually not one for stories that have Hermione and/or the Weasely's misuse Harry like they have in your work, but I can kinda see them being manipulated into it by Albus with a combination of "It's for his own good." and other incentives. It is a prime example of how good writing and an attempt at verisimillitude can override a readers normal prejudices :-D

In any case the writing is captivating and the story premise is very original. Also, your use of a second person narrative is extremely unique. I found it a bit hard to follow at first but it grew on me the further I went into your story. I also like the mechanics you have come up for runes and ward building/breaking. It really lends an extra layer to the story. Well, thanks for sharing this story with us and I eagerly await your next update.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   There are some interesting rationals behind why people have done what they did.   Harry won't discover these things until the sequel, so stick around.

I am pleased you enjoy the style of the story and it's dark humor of hearing all the random thoughts occuring in Harry's mind.   I realized when I started it, that it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea.   Those who do get into the story really appreciate it though.~Jim

 

MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Sunday 12th November 2006 1:41am

Yuck used undies, I think I would learn very quickly.

JBern replied:

I've been trying to use a drill instructor with a sadistic streak mentality for Kwan.   How am I doing so far?   Mine weren't anywhere like that, but then again I was in the Navy and  a Marine friend of mine once told me, "The Navy is only slightly less candyassed, then the Air Force."   His words not mine.  ~Jim

Nial posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 11:44pm

I tried reading this a while ago, but I was put off by the second-person narrative. But when it turned up here I tried again, and I'm glad I did. You get used to the second person, don't you? You scarcely even notice it in the end.

I like your Harry and I like your Bill, especially. I do wonder, though, whether we'll find in the end that Harry's whole hero's journey has been set up by Dumbledore, and Bill's just doing what he's told...

JBern replied:

Well thanks for coming back and giving it another try.   I figure if most people give it 4 chapters, they'll continue on reading it.   In some ways the story would be missing something if I had done it in either 1st or 3rd person.   Second person brings a certain interactivity that if done correctly makes you the reader feel like a part of the story.

Thanks for the compliments on Harry and Bill.   There's always the possibility that Bill is just acting under orders.   It seems counter to the 'keep Harry happy, safe and focused' that was tried at the beginning.   Then again, nothing like anger to keep someone focused, is there?   How's that for a vague answer?   Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim

Life's a Dance posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 9:13pm

EEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!! Once again at 2 in the morning we run the risk of waking the entire house up! Good show! Kwan reminds us of Amy's father off Futurama.
Looking forward to more snippets of sadist Kwan-
Rhiannon and Richard

JBern replied:

Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here and recommend that the two of you read my stories early in the evening.   It might be safer that way.   Glad you enjoyed it.   I haven't really watched much Futurama, but I'll watch it to see what you mean.   Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim

Terry Swain posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 6:01pm

great chapter. i loved the three day to learn silent spell casting, very funny. :)

JBern replied:

Kwan kind of scares me when I write him!   I'd like to think that Harry is getting the education he always wanted and the one he never wanted at the same time.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 4:28pm

LMAO

Dear Lord in Heaven, you are funny!

I can only imagine if Day 4 has to be used....


Fish

JBern replied:

I aim to please.   If I had to guess Kwan would offer Hack's underwear, but I don't think it will go that far.   We'll see how the next chapter pans out.   I actually wrote a few extra lines for Kwan where he implied that Harry would want to get this quickly as Sanchez has been abnormally moody lately if this meant anything to Harry....

Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

mjc posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 3:51pm

Jim,

You did it again...not quite as bad, but darn close.

You chapter endings are getting to be the best around.

There are a few typos in the chapter, but over all not too bad.

JBern replied:

I just got the one where I said the she-gob looked like a make instead of male.   If you care to send the others you saw, I'll gladly fix them.

I actually have to credit Nonjon for my interest in an exciting or funny ending for the chapters.   He told me that most reviewers decide in the final 3 or 4 paragraphs whether or not to review.   So I have been trying my best to finish on an interesting note.   Hell, in chapter 13 I wrote an extra 2000 words just so I could use the Hack's dick hurt line!   The result was well worth it though.~Jim

Cuey posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 3:34pm

Yes, Kwan can certainly motivate. I read the first 10 or so chapters on ff.net before here so I didn't comment then but I really like how your mechanics for runes and warding is set up. It's probably the best I've seen in fanfiction.

JBern replied:

Why thank you.   I have put a good deal of effort into making runes, warding and animagery more interesting and usable.   Many stories just hav the generic statement of Bill/Dumbledore/whoever goes out and reinforces the wards.   I always thought that there should be more to it than that.   Glad you enjoyed the chapter.~Jim

a_wanderer posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 2:17pm

Writing as Harry in third person took some getting used to but I like it.

JBern replied:

Actually the style I am using is second person present tense.   First person is more like Draco664's Journeyman/Apprentice Potter.   Third person is like most other stories.   Glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim

Claudia R posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 1:08pm

it is hard for me to believe this but this story is even better than your "Fight The coming Darkness"
I loved the characterizations and how you have portrayed Bill and the cursebreaker trade...
makes me wish to be one!

And the fact that the story is set in Brasil my dear homeland is of course a plus!!

JBern replied:

I am pleased you like it.   I hope I have done your homeland justice.   It would be nice to visit there someday.   For this story I really wanted to do cursebreaking and animagery like it hasn't been done before.   I hope I continue to meet or exceed your expectations.~Jim

The Midnight Poster posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 12:14pm

So I guess Kwan's teaching method is the stink or swim type?

JBern replied:

Nice and witty.   I am glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim

walklightwhite posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 9:42am

Oh, geez. That's nasty. I'd have it throroughly learned quickly after starting.

Yech.

Great work, as always.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   Next chapter in two weeks.   I'm back on TFtCD next week.

Happy reading,

Jim

glorfy posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 9:03am

woot!
one of my favourite stories updated on my avourite fanfic site.

all fear day three.

JBern replied:

I am really pleased to be here as well.   Harry has a sufficient motivation for learning now.   ~Jim

M2J MandalorianJedi posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 7:49am

Oh GAWD! The ending was absolutley hilarious! Good to see you made it here! I've been following your work on FF.Net for a while! This and to Fight the Coming Darkness are way high up on my favorites list! Brilliant Chapter!

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   I looked for a way to follow up chapter 13's ending.   I think I managed.   Now onto the next update of Darkness.~Jim

Lourens posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 7:13am

Great chapter! I really like what you're doing with Luna's character as well as the interaction between Harry and Karina. Oh and Kwan is just plain hilarious with his 'stupid cook' lessons :D

Your take on Bill is also enjoyable to read, he's almost the ultimate cool older brother.

Can't wait for your next chapter.

JBern replied:

Kwan is effective isn't he?   So many stories say how cool Bill is.   I wanted to give you a story where he actually is cool.

The Karina storyline is coming to a conclusion. ~Jim

EricThorsen posted a comment on Saturday 11th November 2006 7:03am

Ahh, so Sanchez is pretty to trolls. This explains much, especially if she has met trolls before. It will be interesting to see if Harry ever gets back to Hogwarts... better yet, it will be interesting to see them get to the battle at the begginning of the story.

JBern replied:

We are getting closer.   Only 2 more chapters to go and we'll finally be back to the events of chapter 1.      

Harry probably won't be headed back to Hoggy Hogwarts until the sequel.

Jim