By JBern
Reviews
Cuey posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:13am
Wow. Fleur is much nicer with her clothes off, Harry should try to get her in that state as much as possible. Looking forward to the dueling tournament and the enchantment contest, I think with the way you write that those two tasks will be highly interesting.
JBern replied:
Eventually, HJ will have to use that line during the story...
Glad you are looking forward to how this plays out.~Jim
impatientuser posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:05am
Great chapter. The broom race was excellent. I was prepared to be bored or to see a few lines of: they're off, person x wins, yay. I do hate having to wait for the duels though.
Thanks for writing =)
JBern replied:
Hopefully, you've come to expect more from me by now. Dueling is next chapter HJ's first opponent - Fleur.~Jim
dic posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:58am
I really liked the broom race, it was quite exciting to read.
and the rest of the chapter was good as well...
it'll be interesting to see what harry does with the staff duel.
so... keep it up!!
JBern replied:
Thanks. TML chapter 5 in 1-2 weeks. Lie 11 in 3-4.~Jim
uthamm posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:49am
Wow. Can't wait to see the scene when Fluer finds out that HJ saw her in the sanctuary. That will be epic - massive fight and make up sex? SWEET!
I have to admit that I did not see the loss coming - I figured that you would show him to be a contender by winning, instead you took the obscure route and did even better!
Nice setup for the pranking revenge on the slytherns. That will work well for some opportunistic plot relief.
Please - tell me that the dueling strategy will be WANDS BLAZING!
Way cool setup on the dueling and puzzle room. I am looking forward to reading that!
Oh, and: "Hopefully, somewhere in France, Padfoot is in bed with two women and a four pack of Rejuvenation potions". Wow. What an image.
I'll uh, be in my bunk. Full Marks!
JBern replied:
Wands Blazing is the only way to go. Having HJ lose, but still do well keeps the story interesting. He did after all lead for almost half the race. It keeps all the other students wondering if he's hoplessly out of his league and getting by on luck or if there is something else...
Jim
Alex00 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:45am
Awesome chapter.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you liked it. Turn Me Loose chapter 5 in 1-2 weeks and next update on this one in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:43am
Another great chapter, I can't wait to see Fleur's reaction when she finds out it was Harry checking her out at her Sancuary. Maybe Fleur's problem is when she is around a lot of people she feels there desire to her, and it drives her crazy. The broom race was very well done, I really enjoyed it.
MPF
JBern replied:
You make some valid points about Fleur's state of mind. Yes when she finds out it should be very interesting.
Jim
mathiasgranger posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:27am
Yes, the Hermione and Harry friendship has come along nicely the last couple of chapters.
HJ is in the position to bring out the best in Hermione in both her intelligence and emotionally. In canon Harry and Ron did manage to pull her out of her shell emotionally somewhat, but they also held her back in other ways.
HJ's approach to her house elf crusade is respectful and he understands her worth without mocking it.
FYI the broom race was plenty interesting, but for comparison's sake, it was sort of like trying to watch a nascar race. There are many who prefer to skip everything but the crashes.
JBern replied:
I'm toying with a scene where instead of HJ ripping into Ron that it ends up being Hermione that does it. We'll see how it plays out.
Well since I was going for NASCAR, (which I don't particualrly care for either) it looks like I got it.~Jim
Jearom posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:13am
Great chapter update. The broom race was captivating and I'm glad to see that HJ isn't going to win every event as in canon. That said I'm looking forward to HJ smacking Krum around some. You've really stirred the cannon pot up with this story. Its refreshing after reading to many Triwizard re-writes with Harry talking to Dragons, etc.
Any hints on what the final task is going to be or what Voldemort is going to do now that his "most loyal servant" got caught?
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoy the departure from canon. It's why I prefer the AU tag to the simple redo tag for this story.
Can't tip all my hands about the later tasks now can I?
Jim
Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 2:46am
Really well done here; Harry is doing his best, but even with he and James together, it's still hard to go up against treachery all the time. Loved that little part with Fleur at the start, and am still wondering how Harry might be able to break through her ice barrier? Hermione is sparkling at times here, she really is one of Harry's friends I think, and with that said, I will never understand how she wouldn't have been the person Harry missed most in the canon task, just don't see it. Can't wait for the duel, and to see what all Harry will do to win it.
JBern replied:
Things should have been harder in the tournament. He's competing against the five best students the three schools have to offer.
As for Fleur, keep reading...
In canon, Hermione appearing as Krum's captive was engineered to show the "blossoming of Hermione Granger." I think she can be developed in better and more believable terms. If I end up using the Lake task, Hermione probably will be HJ's captive and certainly not this "vile Viktor Krum" as Hermione aptly said.~Jim
DrT posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 2:40am
I wasn't thrilled by the broom race, but I think you did it as well as anyone could. It's too bad HJ was that damaged, but I guess you don't want us to feel sorry for Krum if HJ smushes him into jelly (Viktor is so often a good guy in fanfics, after all).
And come on, HJ -- Hermione is probably less than 2 years younger than Fleur. (Actually, their friendship is very welldone)
"T"
JBern replied:
Sorry you didn't care for the race. I thought it came off pretty well. I said in an earlier reply that everyone writes Krum like he's a Quidditch playing Tiger Woods. In a physically competitive sport, I can't see the analogy. He should be more like those high schoolers who skip college to go right into playing pro basketball. For the last few years, he's been told that he is the greatest thing to happen to Quiddicth in decades. That's got to bloat his ego a bit.
Anyway, that's my take on Viktor in this story.
As for Hermione, HJ probably could date her, but she reminds him too much of Remus and Lily and that just doesn't sit too well with HJ. Glad you like how they can still be friends even without Ron in the mix.~Jim
Heir of Gryffindor posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 2:15am
You did a great job on this chapter. I have a question, and don't remember reading it. How far away is the academic event? Will you go into detail on the debates? I just figure if Hermione is going to ruin her future, we might as well get the enjoyment of reading it.
Also, I loved the broom race. Who knew there was so much strategy and thought put into a broom race?
Can't wait to read the next chapter,
The Heir
JBern replied:
I haven't really specified the academic events. They'll run in a side story along the way. HJ won't really be paying that much attention to them with his own challenges ahead, but I'll try to slip in Hermione's creature rights debate along the way.
For the broom race, I tried to picture NASCAR on brooms. Seems to be fairly well received thus far.~Jim
mathiasgranger posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:58am
I imagine it's going to take quite a bit for HJ to get past Fleur's defenses. Let the pursuit begin....grotto indeed.
Ron is a dead weight and honestly should be dropped before he drags HJ down. Blokes deal with Ron's attitude one of two ways, you drop him as a friend or you beat the piss out of him until he pulls his att out of his rectal cavity.
At the moment I favor the former, simply because seeing his ass beaten isn't nearly worth what not dealing with his whiney bs is.
Thanks for writing,
Matt
JBern replied:
There will probably be a nice little scene where HJ kicks Ron off the "bandwagon" as Weasley tries to climb back on. You obviously liked how HJ and Hermione can still be friends without Ron in the mix.
HJ has his work cut out for him when it comes to Fleur.~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:58am
Liked the broom race. Too bad Harry didn't win, but with five tasks left that doesn't mean anything. I'm looking forward to seeing Krum getting his butt whipped in dueling. And the Puzzle Room is right up the alley of the 'once and future Marauder' (which is a very appropriate title, I think).
I also liked the scene with Fleur in her secret sanctuary. However, I can't imagine this will go over well when it comes out. Reminds me too much of black little piglets with yellow bandannas, if you catch my drift. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing more interaction there.
Same for Hermione. I like how they still get along in this story. I just hope the hat won't corrupt her too badly.
Until next chapter! I'm very much looking forward to more!
Quizer
JBern replied:
Actually, there are a total of ten tasks not five. Don't know where I gave you that impression.
I'm sure when it comes out that HJ is the Pronghorn, it will be an interesting scene. Notice that I didn't say if, I said when.
The hat corrupting Hermione. Could you imagine a foul mouthed Hermione Granger?
Jim
busted posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:44am
Damn the time differences this is the second time I see a new update and am about to go to sleep. Its now 1:43am in the morning.
JBern replied:
Sorry about interrupting your sleep like that.~Jim
Loopy Dane posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:41am
awesome chapter. Interesting resolution to the broom race! HJ is struggling under more challenges than just his age, he also has to be careful just how much of his "advanced" abilities he reveals when the spotlight is on. Since he is not taking runes, how will he justify heavily runed items? since he has not studied enchantment, how can he justify advanced enchantments? I really look forward to seeing what you come up with.
Thank you for sharing your time and talent with us!
LD
JBern replied:
Thanks for the comments. As for the Trial of Ingenuity, you'll just have to wait and see...~Jim
jono74656 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:36am
Marvellous as always, HJ is fast becoming my favourite of your Harry characterisations.
I have to admit the idea of Fleur nude in a grotto is enchanting, although it's kinda sad she's so provincial she has to take France with her wherever she goes.
Krum's a git in your world then? You'd think a Quiddich player would at least accept that occasionally they're gonna lose.
As always- Hat rules!!
Keep up the good work! J.
JBern replied:
Krum is a 17 year old sports phenom. He doesn't like to lose. Most authors write him like a "awe shucks" kind of guy along the lines of Tiger Woods. It doesn't really work in the physically competitve world of Quidditch. The people around him can lose, but Krum is a fierce competitor.
Interesting observation about Fleur there and it keeps along with the character I have in mind for her.~Jim
Crazy posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 12:47am
Cool very fun indeed.
Harsh of Krum, but he does want to win at all costs.
JBern replied:
Krum and all the others are "in it to win it!" Glad you enjoyed the chapter.~Jim
Songoku55 posted a comment on Sunday 20th January 2008 7:06pm
I LOVE IT! The summary had me unsure, but I thought, Harry/Fleur, why not? And man... Best decision for the week! I enjoy your writing style and the story / plot / premise are simply top notch. I also particularly enjoy the Sorting Hat's vulgar mouth. Nothing like some quality shit talking to set the mood right. All in all, I love that everyone is getting put in their place, nothing is held sacred (except Harry and the basic tenets of manliness), and there is no shortage of action while maintaining plot, witty dialogue, and a sequence of events that makes sense (instead of randomness). I look forward to reading more!
JBern replied:
The basic tenets of manliness must always be held sacred. The wild ride continues soon with chapter 10 set to come out over the weekend or early next week..~Jim
BCM posted a comment on Friday 18th January 2008 12:20pm
Unpredictable, original, and highly entertaining. I'm trying to figure out which part of the fight I liked best: Winky attacking HJ with a wyvern's skeleton, or HJ attacking Crouch with a transfigured lion. This is some seriously good stuff, along with Bungle and TML. I think I've reread JBern's stuff as much as I've reread Jeconais'. Keep up the fantastic work, JBern.
JBern replied:
Thank you for the large compliment. In a bizarre twist of fate, Lie 10 will be coming out before TML 5. Look for it this Sunday or Monday.~Jim
skulLXeon posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:13am
JBern replied: