By JBern
Reviews
hordac85 posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 4:14pm
As always an excellent chapter.Keep it up.
JBern replied:
All I can say is fasten your safety belts...~Jim
Magus posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 3:49pm
Why?? Why do you do this to me???
Damned Cliffy, when I saw the new chapter I did a little dance, the problem was that I was at my office, now at home I can finally read it and you do this to me!!! I will be turning and complaining like a caged beast waiting anxiously forn the next chapter
JBern replied:
Did your coworkers enjoy the dance? I suppose I could be mean and say that if you think this chapter was exciting wait and see...
Hey! What do you know? I'm mean! :-)
Thanks for the review. Lie 14 by the end of the month.~Jim
Shepherd posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 3:48pm
A chilling cliffhanger. It was a great chapter, but there were a few minor grammatical problems (IIRC, one of them was the use of 'their' instead of 'they're').
JBern replied:
I'll fix them shortly. Thanks for mentioning.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 3:33pm
WTF? Their security at this little tourney seriously sucks. Assassination by Imperio'ed Grondskeeper? Seems rather over-complicated: just Imperio someone to AK him while his wand's away.
So who are the 6 that are trapped? Two Aurors, Hagrid, HJ, Fleur & Athena?
So if the Dementors are supposed to be under control, theoretically, the Aurors can call them off, right? Right?!
Actually, I'm thinking the 2 Aurors are there to provide wands. :-D
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
Well, in AD's defense there were 2 Aurors per Dementor. They would be locked in cages. The Director of DMLE was present. What could go wrong?
The 5 trapped are the 6 champions. Everyone else is outside the wall.
Theorhectically yes, but they've been getting a taste of the forbidden fruit for almost 8 minutes now...think about it.
Nope those two aurors are outside the rune wall.
Thanks for the review.~Jim
kyzhart posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 3:31pm
Oh this is good! You are an evil, evil person leaving that cliff hanger. I love your stories. They always make me laugh and I like how you utilize non-typical characters like Bill & Fluer. I also appreciate how fleshed out your original characters are. Please post the next chapter soon - I think my lungs may collapse from my holding my breath to see what happens next.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the compliments even if you called me evil. I'm just misunderstood. For your own sake breathe regularly between now and June 30th.~Jim
Vukk posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 3:29pm
That is just a mean way to end the chapter.
JBern replied:
I suppose it is, but in a serialized story one must use the dreaded cliffhanger at times to maximize the punch.~Jim
Logan_MacLeod posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 3:28pm
DUDE I LOVE THIS FRELLING STORY!!!!!!! PLEASE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!1
JBern replied:
June 30th. Look for it then.~Jim
Muggleborn Prince posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 2:39pm
YOU SON OF A BITCH! Had to end such a damn good chapter leaving me guessing. Dammit. Dammit. FUCK. Why did you do that!!! It was SOOOO GOOD.. Keep the updates coming.
JBern replied:
I did it because people accused me of doing a cliffhanger with the Draco branding. That wasn't a cliffhanger. This is! Plus, the chapter was already almost at 12k and if I wrote the fight it'd be somewhere around 15k, which is a little long for me.
This felt like the right spot.~Jim
Philly Homer posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 2:31pm
Jim you are a great author, but your cliffhangers are despicable, to an umpteenth degree. This one was particularly evil, because we had to wait 2-3 months for the update, but enough of my whining let's move on to the actual review.
The Hat as always was absolutely fantastic. His epicness started right off the bat with his observation of how Dumbledore would blame himself, and how he would use that to his advantage. That fucking Hat is diabolical, and I can't put into words how much I love his character.
Malfoy's punishment, while not severe enough, was pretty fun to read. I would have to liked to see more of Lucius' and Narcissa's reaction. I get the feeling we will see more of them in this story, though, in the form of them screwing over HJ, some way, down the road. The verbal lashing that Malfoy got from the Hat was pretty epic, once again proving that no one fucks with the Hat, and gets away unscathed (yes the pun was intended).
The HJ/Mel Turpin one night stand was full of win, and it was about time HJ gets laid.
The Weasley twins are quickly becoming very hateable, not the level of Krum, but they have to rising on the scale of assholeness. I really hope HJ fucking puts them in place.
HJ forgiving Ron, I usually hate the bastard, but I was alright with HJ forgiving him. He came off as actually sorry for his actions.
Harry actually planning ahead or some of the tasks was very nice to see. My curiosity level for the Puzzle Room task is really piqued.
The surprise challenge with the Dementors was very well done. The banter between the contestants came of as believable. That was some nice foreshadowing with Harry hinting he won't be turning into Pronghorn, unfortunately for him it looks like he won't have much of a chance. The reaction to that revelation should definitely be interesting.
I don't think Hagrid opened the cage on his own. I think someone in the Ministry or Malfoy who put the Imperious on him.
All in all a great chapter, Jim. Keep up the good work, without the cliffhangers.
JBern replied:
Expect the unexpected. As for the cliffy, I'd already been warned by one of my beta's that I should be prepared to get that next chapter out quickly. Hence the promise by the 30th.
The puzzle room will be as epic as I can make it. I will pay particular attention to that scene.
More comments on DLP assuming my threads don't get IRCholed.
Jim
Jizzle posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 2:15pm
Hot damn! You impress me every single chapter. The most astonishing thing about this one was incredibly packed with happenings it was. Considering how badass the surprise challenge was, that's saying something.
The humiliation and trivialization of Draco: funny and well done. It's always good to see Draco put down or the hat at the top of his game, which he certainly was here. Draco's a worthless little shit, but I do worry that he'll rally his connections and this'll come back to bite HJ on the ass.
The most astounding thing about this section was that you made me admire a Creevy. Holy crap. Then again, you've also made me fear the likes of Neville and Filch, hate the likes of Fawkes and Hermione, and even feel genuinely sorry for a Ginny. You have a way of handling characters in completely legitimate and sensible ways to get wildly varying and surprising gut reactions to the characters. Awesome.
I love your Sirius. His interactions with HJ are refreshing and illuminating of Harry's character. You got a little ham handed with the illumination this chapter, but it is a first person view. It makes sense for this Harry to muse to himself how he reacts to people. Becoming an amalgam of you and your father/son will make the shallowestof guys reflective, and neither Harry nor James were ever really shallow, exactly.
I love the hints about Harry's preparation for the next task. I'm really looking forward to seeing him conquer the shit out of that room. (My money is on that being the first task he flat out wins: no interfering ferret scum and no violent opposition from his "friendly" competitors) Also, it contributes to the surprise task being more shocking. I mean, seeing Harry prepare for the next task put me in a mindset where that was the next task I expected to see. Then the surprise task comes and its awesome is added to by being jarred out of that assumption.
Harry's interaction with Hermione continues to be wonderful. It's exactly the kind of friendship I'd expect them to have if Harry was a bit more mature. Their friendship's not exactly a huge part of this story, but you nail it so perfectly that it is one of my favorite parts.
The reconciliation with Ron was unexpected, which is good considering HJ didn't expect it either. The way it was done fit with who Ron is, though, and that's no mean feat. Having Harry and Ron be friends when Harry is smart and mature, and Ron's flaws are not grossed over? That's tough. Good to see you walking the line between evil Ron and saint Ron (and why it's so thin a line I do not know) and it was a clever way to have HJ find out about the dragons.
The seduction of the head girl was also a surprise, but certainly not a bad one. I like that you make it clear that HJ is a big slut. You don't defend or attack his attitude towards women and relationships and whatnot. I like that.
Then there was the dementor challenge. Holy moly. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. The rules were explained and I thought, "Oh yeah, HJ's got this. He's got this by the balls. He's going to kick some serious ass here." Then you actually wrote the contest and he was even more pimp than I thought he would be. Bravo.
The cliffhanger at the end was definitely the biggest and bestest of a long end of shocks and surprises this chapter. I have to wonder who imperioed Hagrid. It's clear that, or something similar to that, is what happened here. Hagrid has neither the heart nor the intellect for terrorism or, really, political activism of any kind. I like how you simultaneously set up immediate danger and longer term intrigue. I look forward to seeing HJ surmount both issues.
I hope I didn't ramble too long. It was a long, excellent chapter and I just happened to be in the mood to be a little more thorough with this review. Thanks for writing, and I look forward to the rest of this month. Two JBern chapters in the next three weeks? Color me giddy.
JBern replied:
Good lord you write some long reviews. Thanks! I enjoy putting a spin on the characters.
The next task is actually the staff dueling round. HJ is perfectly willing to lose a few staff matches to ensure he gets his hand on that Pensieve.
I'd write more, but these things don't write themselves. Thanks again~Jim
Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 2:06pm
Oh, most excellent. Now come over here. I have the fire roaring and you seem ready for the spit. I think five minutes with flames licking your eyebrows is enough of a reminder not to end in a nasty cliffy!
Did you mean to write, "ddementors"?
I guess we will either see a wandless Patronas, or if there really is no other spells that effect the demons. Or will we be losing a champion or two. Manos? Beaucourt? Certainly not Cedric at this stage.
Who is in control of Hagrid? I can't imagine that he would do this, even if he felt that way in the first place, not nearly guaranteeing the soul death of six innocents, including Harry.
Well, if you can't tell, I am eager for the next chapter, which is only because you are doing such an excellent job of writing. Thank you for giving this to us.
Mike (MoA)
JBern replied:
No, I didn't mean to write that.
See, I had some people saying that the Draco branding scene at the end of chapter 12 was a cliffhanger, so I was like "You want to see a cliffhanger, I'll show you a cliffhanger!" and I did.
I haven't killed anyone in awhile in this story have I? We'll see, but I promise, expect the unexpected.~Jim
Cuey posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 1:49pm
I absolutely loved this chapter but this new character, Cliff, should have been in TFtCD so he could die a horrible death.
You are a cruel, evil person that I can't wait to see more writing from.
JBern replied:
But I like Cliff. We can't kill him off! Thanks for the review.~Jim
Rijl Kent posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 1:48pm
Wow. Great chappie, and yes, great cliffie. They're great fun to write, but it's tough to appreciate from the other side of authorship. I mean, I appreciate the how well it was done, but I'm not looking forward to the wait.
One thing about the final scene I don't get... it wasn't clear to me who the 'six' were here: "a magical barrier sealing the six of us inside." I think it was Hagrid, two aurors and Athena, Fleur, and Harry. Right? Not the six competitors, b/c a few of them have crawled to safety and chocolate, yes?
If Hagrid's in there and he think he's freed his brethren, doesn't he want to greet them with a nice kiss? Would even a dementor kiss Hagrid? Can it be done through that beard?
The Aurors should have their wands, and should be hand-picked for ability to handle dementy-whatsits... but something makes me think Harry's going to save the day. Maybe those life-debts will come in handy.
In other news, towards the beginning, I didn't like that you had the twins get antagonistic with Harry, but it's a good running plot line. The twins are often great fun in fanon, and I'm now enjoying the fun you have with them on the 'other side,' both because it's an original take, and b/c you're doing it with your usual excellent style.
I also hope that Harry can help Hermione pull herelf together without f---ing her. He'll (you'll) think of something, right?
Is that long enough of a review? If your reviewers generate more verbage than you have in the chap, will you update sooner? 19 days seems awfully long.
On the other hand, it's always fun re-reading the previous chappie when a new one comes out. I'm not sure I'll manage to do that with the next one though. How will our hero escape this time....?
Thanks for sharing your stuff.
Peace-
-Rijl
JBern replied:
It's plenty of verbage, but it won't speed up the next chapter. After all the wait betwen this one and the previous one was 11 weeks, so 19 days isn't too bad. People usually leave the twins alone, which is why I go after them.
How will he escape indeed...
Jim
Ivan Cantaros posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 1:33pm
waaa its a cliffhanger!! its getting to the good part! anyway hope you update soon.. nice chapter by the way!
JBern replied:
I thought the whole chapter was the good part? Thanks for the review. More coming soon.~Jim
DobbyElfLord posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 1:03pm
Loved the part with Harry shagging little Mindy, but that cliff was just plain cruel!
It is interesting how most fanfics have Ron as the jealous prat and Fred and George as Harry's loyal supporters, but you've flipped that in both BJ/TML and LIL. Okay, Ron is not that loyal but relatively speaking...
Great chapter.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Since I don't really have an ad budget for my original novel. The best way to attract new readers is to deliver the goods. Expect regular deliveries of my best stuff all summer long up to the release of Dead Eye.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 12:37pm
Wow. Your tri-wiz tournament kicks JKR's butt.
JBern replied:
I agree. Thanks for the review. More coming soon.~Jim
dave gerecke posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 12:33pm
Yes, it got the blood pumping.
You are a Right Bas*%!&$ for the cliffie.
dave
JBern replied:
The cliffhanger is just misunderstood. You have to learn to appreciate it for all it does for you. That's it relax and enjoy the cliffhanger...
:-)
Jim
Jon posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 12:27pm
I woke up especially early today to read this Chapter, and damn, its worth the tiredness..
so Fleur, HJ and 6 dementors? Sounds like a good recipe for mud pit wrestling..
The question is if the competition is still active, and if Fleur will revert to avian form to protect herself.
Or HJ can simply stick himself in front of Fleur and test the theory of the "Chosen One"..
This chapter is short on the provocative conversations, but great on the plot!
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. Chapter 14 will be along soon enough. Expect the unexpected.~Jim
Fenris Ulf posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 12:12pm
Ack! HJ Vs. The Dementors with nothing but his wits to get him through? Hope he can do a wandless patronus.. or maybe use that incredible wit against them. :) can't wait for the next chapter of one of my favorite fan fics out there.
Rob
JBern replied:
The Hat could insult them. Trust me, I'll have a twist or two up my sleeve for you.~Jim
Faceless posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 4:35pm
JBern replied: