By JBern
Reviews
gadriam posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 11:37am
As always, a beautiful peace of action, interspersed with incredible Still Lifes. The scene with Fleur and the Pronghorn etched itself into my mind, and not just for the naked chick, either. The Bitchqueen needed a touch of kindness to become real, and you delivered. I really enjoyed the race, and his comment to the press was brilliant. He's still too cocky for his own good, and not too likeable, but he's at least less of a prat these days. I like arrogant HJ, but there's enough confrontations as it is in the storyline, and some balance would be nice. Ah well. Looking forward to the next one, whichever story it may be.
g
JBern replied:
Part of HJ's charm is he isn't as likeable as most Harry Potters out there, but he has a take no prisoners attitude that should endear him to you. Still the more injuries that pile up, the more HJ will get his cockiness beaten out of him. TML 5 in 1-2 weeks Lie 11 in 3-4.~Jim
Jizzle posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 11:24am
Man, another great chapter. The broom race was both fun and exciting, and I love that you had Harry not win. Most independent, powerful Harrys you run across do not finish second to last in competitions. It's a brave, realistic, and very interesting move. Kudos.
I also have to applaud the scene between Harry and Hermione. It was different from what I expect from you in the best possible way. I expect (and get consistantly) a badass, wisecracking Harry battling his way through imaginative foes and realistic wizarding politics on his path of just being awesome. This scene was genuinely sweet and rather touching. And sure, I've seen sweet and touching from you before, but this was particularly well done, and it was with a non love interest.
Hermione offering to give up her short term dream and "place in the spotlight" and Harry insisting that she take it was just so well done. The reference to one of the better canon moments was perfect, and neither character was overly sappy or OOC at all. It was just this shining moment of true friendship, and I loved it. Maybe I'm rambling about this one little scene for a bit too long, but it surprised me, evoked an emotional reaction (and an emotion I didn't expect from this fic to boot) and it reminded of the things that made me love HP canon in the first place. (Before the last two books really shook things up in that awful way of theirs.) Probably the three things I enjoy most when I find them in fanfiction, and they were all there. So great job on that, and thank you.
Other stuff I noted: beginning of the chapter was a bit of the "what's this now" kind of thing, but the confusion cleared pretty quickly, and it was a solid scene. Actually benefited from the brief disorientation since I imagine being an animal is a little disorienting. The line about padfoot and rejuvenation potions cracked me up. The house elves as imps idea was intriguing, and I look forward to seeing how it's built upon. The scene with the head girl was rewarding to me in showing how HJ is his own person (again) and moreover showing up a misogynistic asshole. (I loved Thelma and Louise mostly on the rapist getting shot and shit blowing up) HJ eviscerating Krum should be hilarious and rewarding to see. The room task was cool enough on its own, but this enchanter and brewing element is especially exciting. With Dobby fetching materials, a thousand year old asshat (hehe) providing infor and ideas, and HJ providing power and that pranker's charm? I can't wait to see what they cook up.
So thanks for the chapter and I can't wait to see what you come up with next, for any story. Happy writing!
JBern replied:
Well I have to say thanks for a long review on your part. My goal in writing my stories is if there is ever a poll for fanfics you'd most like to see turned into movies that this would be a strong contender, though I think it would take alot to trump all the insane action in Bungle in the Jungle.
Considering how poorly I'm treating Hermione in the other story, I'm certain most people didn't expect that scene out of me. Each story I write, I want Harry to be different, his friends be a little different and someone to be really different (in this case the Sorting Hat, in Darkness it was Voldemort and Pettigrew, in Bungle/TML it's Luna) but still believable.
Apparently the only constant in my stories as pointed out to me is that Harry always seems to encounter Fleur naked at some point. I might even have to keep that as a running gag.
Next chapter of this one is 3-4 weeks out.~Jim
brrt posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 11:23am
Wow. Just wow. The broom race was handled well beyond my greatest expectations, and definitely felt gritty and real.
I really like the concept of the 'Puzzle Room' challenge, as all aspects of magical achievement/study should be incorporated in the Tournament.
The potions lab at HJ's disposal will be the planning ground for quite a few interesting twists I'm sure.
I do hope that there are a few restricted brews, such as the Luck Potion. This potion, along with some others, are a bit of a all-purpose solution that takes away from the Ingenuity that is the point of the challenge.
I'm very much looking forward to the duels and hope that JP's playfulness shines through, because some of HJ's opponents could do with a bit of public embarrassment.
Looking forward to more!
JBern replied:
Well, as I recall it takes 6 months to brew the Felix potion. They only have 6 weeks. Glad you liked the broom race and that you've found the puzzle room concept just as interesting.
As for the dueling, well, wait and see. Next chapter of this one in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
spiked posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 11:09am
Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this chapter, the broom race was great and i'm looking forward to the next few chapters, especially the duels and i'm hoping that it is HJ versus Krum in the first round.
JBern replied:
First round is HJ versus Fleur. Thanks. Glad you liked it. Turn Me Loose chapter 5 in 1-2 weeks and next update on this one in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
Fishburne posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 10:39am
Well, Hinky Dinky Doo!
Excellent use of imagery with Fleur the water nymph and Pronghorn...
Broom Race was fast paced and imaginative, and my oh my - did someone once eat O'lean?
all in all a wonderful turn and I thank you for writing once more.
Fish
JBern replied:
I remember getting some nasty cramps from Olean once. Thanks for the reminder. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. TML 5 in 1-2 weeks Lie 11 in 3-4.~Jim
The Midnight Poster posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 10:33am
I was wondering if this was every going to be a Fleur and Harry paring but I see MAYBE it'll get there :)
I do like the friendship between Hermione and Harry you got going.
JBern replied:
Well, it's a start. He apparently just has to get her naked and alone for them to get along!~Jim
Muad'Dib posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 10:18am
Good to see you used 'anal seepage' again. I'm already rubbing my hands at the prospect of Hermione going bananas in her paper on elves!
Seeing as how you're obviously going to make HJ a serious contender for the cup, I wonder how well he'll do on the puzzle room task. Though it'd be fantastic to see Snivellus ticked off because no one but HJ can brew the potions, but it's the dueling he seems to be best at. Both Athena and HJ have some making up to do so I'll hazard a guess and say that they'll dominate the dueling, but that would still mean HJ needs to do well on the puzzle room.
The Hat was pretty laid back this chapter. Probably the quiet before the proverbial storm.
Cheers!
JBern replied:
Who knows, Athena might turn out to be a big flop at dueling! Then again, probably not.
I already have HJ's strategy mapped out. Some of the reviewers are giving me ideas for how the others will make their attempts.
The Hat was greatly angered about the money. Once HJ assured it that they'd go to Italy, the Hat mellowed out.~Jim
dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 9:50am
The broom race was entertaining. I wasn't sure you could pull that off, it seems like a boring subject to watch. "And look the riders are making another left!" *snicker*
JBern replied:
I'm not a huge NASCAR fan either, but it seemed to come out fairly well. Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it. Turn Me Loose chapter 5 in 1-2 weeks and next update on this one in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
dwilken posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 9:44am
Excellent!
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you liked it. Turn Me Loose chapter 5 in 1-2 weeks and next update on this one in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
FireFairy posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 9:04am
That was really good and I can't wait to see what will happen with Fleur. This is such a great story and I can't wait for an update! Thank you so much for another great chapter.
JBern replied:
Round 1 of the dueling pits HJ versus Fleur...
How's that for a tease?~Jim
DvorakQ posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 8:42am
Wow. Both stories you've been cooking up are so much fun to read. The broom race was great, but I'm more interested in how you're going to handle the dueling. Seems like theres gonna be a lotta duels, and in addition the puzzle room sounds vicious. Will they be dumped all together like the final task or will they be timed separately?
JBern replied:
Everyone timed seperately. Not all at the same time like the canon maze. Persons with the least point total go first giving a slight advantage to the ones with higher point totals.
Yes lots of duels and why not?~Jim
dc1 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 8:42am
this was an enjoyable read. the way you introduced Fleur was well done. the overall brrom race was good, was interesting to see Fleur as actually competent in this story compared to JKR's version. the puzzle box is going to be great. i can't wait for Harry to go Ollivander on everyone and turn up with a wand he enchanted.
cheers
dc1
JBern replied:
Yeah, Fleur was just window dressing in book 4. The TWT was as crappy plot device to transport Harry to the graveyard and nothing more. There was alot of wasted potential there.~Jim
Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 8:02am
I enjoyed the chapter. Our boy will need to watch his back even more. The next two tasks look to be 1 on 1 on 1 against the room so treachery may be off the field of battle but I suspect it will still be a factor. I look forward to learning of the hat and Hermione's interaction. Thanks for writing. W.
JBern replied:
People cheating during the duels! Impossible I say! Blasphemy!
In other words, wait and see. Round 1 features HJ versus Fleur, VK vs CD and AM vs AB.
Jim
silverleafhp posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 7:06am
Loved it. Really loved the fact that HJ didn't win the race. It puts him behind and if he really wants to win the overall tournament he's going to have to buck up and go all out in everything.
Really can't wait for the dueling, you tend to write such good action scenes that I am looking forward to a truly amazing chapter.
I like the way you subtly added that Fleur is really not that bad of a person. She misses her home, and is constantly hounded by well wishers (mostly men I assume), that she uses rudeness as a tool to keep people away from her.
Although, I must admit, I am still very much intrigued on how you are going to pull off a HJ/Fluer pairing. They still don't have one iota of chemistry going as of now.
Only thing I am a little leary about is that you are raising the possiblility that HJ will be telling Hermione what's going on. While I like Hermione most of the time, I am just not sure it would work in this fic. Mainly because if HJ gets to chummy with her, it will cut down on "Hat" time, and well, I just may have to do something bad to you if we cut down on Hat time :).
Lastly, I am still waiting for a little bit of Weasley twins revenge action. Still can't wait to see them get put in their place.
It also looks like Harry has some very good compitition in the dueling if the little tidbit you left us about Amii is any indiacation.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
JBern replied:
Thank you for the long review. HJ should keep in mind that he's facing off against 5 of the most talented 17 yr olds from the 3 best schools in Europe.
Fleur is and should be a complex character. I hope I can deliver someone who is just that.
Both HJ and Hermione are going to be terribly busy. I haven't really touched on the Interhouse squads, but Hermione will be up to her ears in work shortly.~Jim
rune1806 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 7:01am
The pool was very well done and something different from what I was thinking you would do. The race was great, I was pull in by your writing of what Hary was thinking while flying. Great update.
JBern replied:
As always, I like to keep you readers on your toes and mix things up. Sadly nobody died in this chapter, I must be slipping.~Jim
ahsun92 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:41am
Hmmmm, love the prize part of the Tasks, I do hope Harry gets the pensieve... Philospher's Stone!!!
Anyhoo, I feel that the race could of been done better and with a lot more obstacles of sorts. However, there haven't been many broom races in fics so there isn't much to compare against.
Keep up the Good work!
JBern replied:
HJ will definitely have to work for it if he really wants it. For the race, I wanted the magical equivalent of NASCAR. Without the crashes, how interesting is it to watch? Yet millions do! ~Jim
Stonewar posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:28am
I love how this is so international.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I wanted it to seem like the biggest thing behind the Quidditch World Cup.~Jim
Amit Patel posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:24am
Nice update; I liked how you had Harry lose the race. Too many fanfic authors have Harry winning this kind of contest with little competition.
Makes me wonder if you will show us a good ass kicking for the competitors from Harry!
Thanks for the update
JBern replied:
HJ shouldn't just walk through this competition. These are 5 of the best students in all of Europe.~Jim
morriganscrow posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:34am
Excellent broom racing!
The prerequisite Naked Veela Scene was nicely done, as was the set-up for the next chapter.
All in all a fun read.
JBern replied:
Why is it a prerequisite? Not that I'm objecting or anything!~Jim
Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 12:17pm
JBern replied: