By JBern
Reviews
The Resident posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 7:48pm
Well, one point is better than none. I'm looking forward to the dueling competition. I'd like to see Harry wipe the smirks off a few faces. The 'quest' for the dagger ought to be quite interesting as well. As I've reached the end of the posted chapters, I must wait and gnaw my fingernails until you can see your way clear to write and post the next chapter. I can only urge you to do so and caution you not to sacrifice quality for speed.
JBern replied:
I recommend eating cheetos. That way when you're gnawing on the fingernails there's some cheese flavoring to them.~Jim
The Resident posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 6:56pm
I almost feel like I'm channeling Artie Johnson. Very interesting. I'm really looking forward to what other surprises you have in store. Keep up the great work.
JBern replied:
I'll have to google Artie. Not really sure who he is, but it must be a compliment.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 6:35pm
Was "Boudicca and the Iceni" supposed to be a link? It's missing the href, if so.
Nice introduction to Fleur's softer side, such as it is.
Good broom race. Disappointing for HJ, but realistic.
Staff fighting? Inspired by the Durmstrang entrance in the movie, I assume? You're creating some back story tradition to justify it, it appears.
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
Don't know why it came out looking like a link. Fleur's very soft side I might add. See a few answers above about the history behind staves.~Jim
The Resident posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 6:22pm
Another fine chapter. I'm as curious as to where Moody got his information about the map as Harry is. Hope you explain it some time. You do do a great Skeeter. She's as obnoxious as always. Keep up the great work. You've got me guessing on a few things and I'm looking forward to how things pan out.
JBern replied:
Of course Barty got it from Peter. Barty couldn't approach HJ about it until he had a plausible reason. Until then Barty kept his father around the castle alot and Moody out of the trunk quite a bit as well stunned, tied up, or under the Imperius.~Jim
joeBob posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 6:18pm
Another fabulous chapter, thanks!
I'll definitely be buying anything original you publish -- maybe an extra copy for the library too.
You asked for feedback on the broom race. It was good but I have yet to read ANYONE describe what it must really be like on a broom.
Alas, most fanfic writers must have never flown in an open-cockpit stunt plane.
The books, and all fanfic, get flying all wrong. The movie is more realistic in that it shows the use of goggles and flying hoods.
According to canon, racing brooms top out well over 150 miles per hour. Keep in mind that this would mean a slipstream four times worse than a serious (75 mph) hurricane (drag increases as the square of velocity). This is also significantly faster than terminal velocity for the rider.
So, what are the key things missed? Slipstream effects and G forces.
(1) Slipstream means that Harry's glasses would not stay on.
(2) Riders would quickly go blind without goggles.
(3) Dust or an insect would cause serious injury on exposed skin. Even the sweat off a competitor or a rain drop would sting like heck.
(4) Breathing would be difficult. If the flyer was careless, he could even damage his lungs!
(5) Hearing would be greatly reduced with loud constant noise in the ears. Depending on which way your head was pointed huge positive and then huge negative pressures on the eardrums would be generated. Turning your head risks rupturing your tympanum!
(6) There would be a constant, over one G, force trying to push you backwards on your broom. Accelerations would push this up to 3 or 4 G's. Try staying on a stick at 1 G horizontal, it's hard.
(7) Turns at speed would pull debilitating G's. Things like corkscrews, especially so. Flyers must compensate or crash.
For example, at 140 knots (about 161 mph) and only 2 G's, a flyer would have a turning radius of over 1000 feet. At 6 G's this radius would be 308 feet.
Note that these radii are larger than a quidditch pitch and approach the size of Hogwarts grounds.
(8) An untrained flyer, without a G suit, will lose mental capacity starting at 4 G's. Blackout comes at 6 G's.
Using the AGSM (anti-G straining maneuver) and a G suit, even professional, athletic fliers still start passing out at 9 G's.
Clearly, the maneuvers described in the books and shown in the movies are impossible. No one mentions G-blackout, the AGSM, or G-compensating spells!
(9) G forces on an injury would be unbearable. Harry broke his leg, right? Every turn would be like hanging a 60 to 200 pound weight off his foot! That might color his memory of the race, eh? ;-)
Anyway, the descriptions of the other tasks sound interesting. The duels are a little confusing though. Karkaroff says that five duels will be fought on the weekend. Shouldn't this be five ROUNDS of duels (three simultaneous duels each). If every contestant is to face every other contestant, it is the only way.
Finally, very fun and inventive story and I like what you are doing with Neville and the other characters (except that Draco and Snivelus haven't suffered enough).
Thanks!
JBern replied:
Thank you for all the information about realistic broom racing. Yes there are 5 rounds of dueling during the first dueling competition with wands, 5 more with the staff in a few weeks and then a repeat of wand dueling in a few months.
HJ's first opponent ...Fleur.~Jim
luisfe posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 6:06pm
Great story, definitely love the new way for an independent Harry to develop.
In the naked veela scene, the witch in question mentions the "spiders"... how does she know of them? My first guess would be the giant spiderwebs, but seeing how aggressive the acromantulas are I'd say that being close enough to see the webs would mean that she's in a very "not nice" place
Broom races was very nice, though I felt a bit disappointed when I read the part "Provided all handsremain on the broom shaft, bumps and contact are legal; a grab is not.", as I kinda expected a Krum kicking someone and sending them into a tailspin, following the letter of the law :P
How are the point totals so far? Fleur obviously has 10, HJ has 1 and Manos 0, but what about Krum, Diggory and Beaucourt? Or did I miss that? Also, how are the tasks "determined"? It seems that each school is sort of in charge of three tasks (Beauxbatons for the race and 2 more, Durmstrang for the Duelling and Room of Ingenuity and one more, Hogwarts yet to be seen) and the tenth and final task is made by all three schools?
Quick question though... IIRC McGonagall, along with the three other Heads of Houses, was in the Infirmary when HJ was healing from the worst of his encounter with Barty Jr, so she had to know that HJ beat/killed a DE... knowing that, even though she's bound to secrecy, why would she instruct HJ in the basics of dueling or defensive dueling when his continued existence means that he at least has the basics?
Also, what type of rules can we expect in the wand duels? No Unforgivables are a given I take it, but it seems that Dark Magic is fin, seeing as Hermione is concerned about it. The duels seem to be till they are unable to continue or yield, and while I'm curious about what'd happen to the "winner" if he accidentally (or not) killed his opponent I think it's still too early in the story to have someone kick it - specially seeing as how the most likely candidate is Krum by HJ :P
Maybe during the duel a stray curse knocks into Draco/Snape... would be fun :)
About the Room of Ingenuity a couple of things are still fuzzy to me, which is likely my fault: how does neutralizing the fire help to get to the second half of the room? It seems that you'd still have to go across the ground to reach the water, unless you started walking on the ceiling. I look forward seeing how each of the six makes it past those obstacles, but that's probably something which will be in chapter 12 or 13, as there are duels and Yule Balls and the other Interschool competitions to get through! Though if HJ could just make a portkey to get to the other side of the room bypassing everything, while everyone else gets mauled by everything in the room... hmmm :P
phew! that's a lot of questions ^^() anyways, as I think I've said in the first paragraph, great story, love it, want to understand more about it and it's inner logic (hence the questions) :P It's a very pleasurable read.
JBern replied:
Thank you for the amount of effort in your review. As for Fleur knowing about the spiders, it can be assumed that the visiting students and staff were given reasons why the forbidden forest is forbidden. She had summoned her grotto only a couple of hundred yards inside the forest - just far enough to be out of sight.
Krum body checked Aimee early on and he flew close enoug to HJ to keep his thumb around his broom shaft while his other four fingers ripped twigs out of HJ's broom.
McG can assume that HJ knows how to fight, not duel. The rules will be no spells with intent to maim, permanently injure, or kill.
No portkey inside the Puzzle Room, sorry.~Jim
The Resident posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:49pm
You know, if this was fact and not fiction, I'd feel sorry for Harry (a little anyway), but as it is fiction, it is a damn good story and I'm glad you are sharing your imagination with the rest of us. Keep up the great work.
JBern replied:
Thanks a bunch for the compliments. Hopefully, my original novel will impress you just as much.~Jim
uberwald posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:12pm
you carried it off well. i enjoyed this chapter very much
JBern replied:
Thanks. Next update in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
The Resident posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 5:07pm
An interesting chapter. Even with going back in time, Snape's still a bastard, Dumbledore's still living in a dream world, etc. Maybe Hermione will follow Harry's advice and learn a few things about House Elves. I like the Hat. Wicked sense of humor (yours) and a truly unique characterization. Keep up the great work. I'm off to read the next chapter.
JBern replied:
Well since you're caught up with the chapters now, you know that Hermione learned something useful about the House Elves lately. Thanks for reviewing.~Jim
Sterling posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:58pm
Thanks for the update! I always enjoy your writing and this story is one of my up and coming favorites. It has some very fresh plot points. I look forward to your next chapter.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Next update in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
Greg Johnson posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:29pm
Another great chapter! Can't wait for the next one.
I really enjoyed the broom race and am not that surprised at what Krum did. I'm looking forward to Harry's rebuttal.
Keep up the good work.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Next chapter in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
dave gerecke posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:22pm
What a great chapter.
The broom race was extremely well thought out.
dave
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it.~Jim
delta16669 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 4:15pm
The broom race was sick. I cant wait for Krum to be decimated.
JBern replied:
I'll assume sick is a good thing. In that case glad you liked it.~Jim
Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 3:46pm
Interesting broom race you wrote, I do like the fact that HJ gave it his all, even if he didn't win. The situation with Hermione and Ron seems as unsettled as always; I hope he improves matters with Hermione but I've very mixed feelings as to whether Ron's "friendship" is really worth it.
The next few tasks all sound quite challenging. I wonder how long it'll be before Hermione starts strategizing the Puzzle Room? Meanwhile, methinks HJ needs to improve his dueling skills with staffs.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. HJ has mixed feelings about Ron as well. I hope you enjoy what I have planned coming up.~Jim
metrobluejay posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 2:31pm
Sorting Hat is a riot, glad you put him like that. Overall good story, keep it coming.
JBern replied:
I truly enjoy writing the Hat. It is a unique character.~Jim
phoenixblade2 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:07pm
I'm a bit disappointed that Harry lost the broom race, but it was very interesting to read. Can't wait to Harry melts Fleur's ice
JBern replied:
Where's the fun if he just steamrolls the competition? Next chapter in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
thewisesirivanthes posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:05pm
I really enjoyed the broom race and the maturity of how HJ gets his revenge on those who screw with him. I am wondering if the staves used in the second round will be magically or purely physical in nature.
By the way nice work on character development and for coming up with the best origin for house-elfs to date!
JBern replied:
Why couldn't the elves be imps bound into servitude? It sounded like a good plan when I came up with it. There will likely be a magical component to the staff fight. Next chapter in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
drewz05 posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 1:03pm
Love this chapter. Thsnks for updating so quickly. Like I said before, I think this is your best story and I can't wait to see what happens next.
JBern replied:
Next update in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
kainboa posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 12:39pm
great chapter as usual, can't wait to see what happens next.
keep up the great work :)
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed this. Next chapter in 3-4 weeks.~Jim
Jon posted a comment on Friday 25th January 2008 8:19pm
JBern replied: