pyrodaemon posted a comment on Wednesday 9th April 2008 5:06am

That's a really great chapter! I don't know what to comment on first, Malfoy's stupidity or Snape's. Can't wait to see the repercussions of the 'Sarah Underhill' thing. Looks like Snape's about to take a long walk off a short cliff. Poor Malfoy, such a waste of talent and all that other good stuff (please note the sarcasm since it can't carry over).

The duels were very exciting. I always hate it when people try to write duels and it ends up reading like a musty old history text. Your very good at action scenes (both here and with TML).

Hat's really grown on me. Granted he wasn't very...Hat in this chapter but I think I've gotten over my aversion to him. Lol.

I'm glad you've made Diggory a good guy. So many fics out there make him into some kind of monster or into a vapid moron and he's clearly not, if you go by cannon which so many people seem to ignore.

So Harry got back at the Weasleys, hmm? At least the Twins. Too bad Fleur still went out with Bill. Its good to see a more...personable side of Fleur. I never had a doubt you would but its nice that she's not just going from emotionless 'tart' to girlfriend material in three second flat.

But then you've always been very good at getting your characters across, even if they're supposed to be hated.

Please tell us when your book is coming out. I'd really like to buy it.

Can't wait to see more from you soon.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I'm way behind at answering the ones on this site.   I appreciate the compliments on characterization and my action sequences.

As for my coauthored novel - I am hopeful for August of this year.   I am writing the final 10 thousand words this week and the first half has already been through 2 edits and is really shaping up thanks to Matthew and Lindsey Shocke.   Things look good and I expect to be writing TML chapter 6 by the middle of next week.

Regards,

Jim

Jinshun Wang posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd April 2008 8:08am

Every time I read your fanfiction, I come to realize that a lot of effort is put into every chapter. Interactions between characters, as well as bringing forth "real-world" attitudes of everyone involved is shown, from the disdainful pride of Pure-Blood supremacists to the flock mentality of the sheeple. It certainly makes the story feels more real when you bring forth minor characters and show that like in real life, everyone around you makes a little impact on your courses of action.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliment.   I try to inject as much realism as possible into my chapters.   The less the reader has to suspend their disbelief, the easier it is for them to enjoy it.

New chapters of my fanfics coming soon!~Jim

Jinshun Wang posted a comment on Tuesday 1st April 2008 4:02pm

A rather refreshing deviation for the normal romance fanfic where it's pretty much "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am" within what seem like a 20 minute time frame. Instead of employing the "Potter Charm" plot device, you instead draw an excellent line of progression from where Fleur views HJ as a barely bearable boy who's far too big for his britches to someone she can respect. As this story draws closer to the end of the tournament, I can say that I eagerly await the moment where HJ gets the girl.

JBern replied:

I hope I can pull off that scene to your satisfaction.   Far too many Harry/Fleur stories give us instantsexkitten!Fleur.   I wanted to give a very different take on Fleur.~Jim

weixuan18 posted a comment on Friday 28th March 2008 5:05pm

Brilliant story! Update soon! XD

JBern replied:

Working on it.   I should be starting on new chapters next week.~Jim

killer_hamster posted a comment on Friday 28th March 2008 4:49pm

Not sure how frequently you peruse the reviews with other stories being written and the discussions on forums but I still at least wanted to put up the effort. The Potter series has been finished for some time now and I just wanted to personally thank a talented writer for keeping up there stories when many others dropped them or only the not so talented keep on babbling. Looking forward to more in this tale and "Turn Me Loose".

JBern replied:

I respond to every review, good and bad.   Right now, I'm finishing up my first coauthored original novel, but I should have the 1st draft complete by early next week.   After that, I dive back into my existing fanfics and will be putting out some other shorts as well.

Thanks for the encouragement.~Jim

wesley2 posted a comment on Wednesday 26th March 2008 10:34am

I like this story its rather good, but there is something that bothers the hell out of me, and I am not sure if it is intentional on your part. The constant shift from first, second, and third person view, it’s disorienting.

Other than that I liked the duels well enough, I thought it was a bit off that all the security and different magics Victor Krum could so easily foul Harry, and get away with it also I thought that Harry losing the point from his duel with Fleur despite being at the unfair advantage was another very off moment.

I am wondering when we will see some Harry/Fleur action.

I also liked the way you mixed up the tournament. It makes it more interesting, and I don’t know what is going to happen.

Anyway, hope you come out with a new chapter soon.

JBern replied:

Sorry I haven't had a chance to do my replies until now.   If you wouldn't mind emailing me or going into the forum section and I'd be interested to see what you mean about shifting viewpoints.   Other than the early unbetaed versions chapters 1 through 3, I'm writing Lie in first person present tense.   Bungle/TML is in 2nd person present and Darkness was 3rd person.

The HJ/Fleur action is going to be slowly developing   I figure the build up should be worth it.

Hopefully, LIe and my other stories will continue to blaze a nice divergent path.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

Ezra'eil posted a comment on Sunday 23rd March 2008 3:36pm

Looks good so far mate!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   More coming soon.~Jim

Ltank687 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd March 2008 9:29am

i just read this story over and over again. love it.. love it... love it.

JBern replied:

Glad that it survives the test of rereading.   More coming soon.~Jim

grimtage posted a comment on Saturday 22nd March 2008 11:40pm

"Hermione blushes furiously while Melinda smacks Roger and tells her to quit calling her Mindy — must be a story behind that."

Is Roger a "her"? I thought Roger was male.

"There’s nothing but silence in the air as we wait with baited breath"

The expression is "bated breath"

http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-bai1.htm

JBern replied:

Thanks for the corrections.   I appreaciate it.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Saturday 22nd March 2008 6:07am

Great action, as we've come to expect from you. And it's nice to see HJ's life outside the tourney calming down at least a bit.

Good luck with _Dead Eye_. You and John are great writers. I'll be looking for it.

JBern replied:

Look for it (tenatively) in August.   Thanks again for all your reviews.   It's the regulars like you that convinced me that I can take a whack at original works.~Jim

vandallas posted a comment on Friday 21st March 2008 8:16pm

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo not 6 weeks? honestly, thats a little cruel, even by HJs standards... ive recently become aquainted with TLIL, i was an avid fan of bungle, stupidly thinking you couldnt possibly come up with anything to trump it, yet lo and behold a belles-lettres you delivered. im not one to beg, sans while in the bedroom, so my pride wont allow me to beg please please please update either bungle or TLIL before i have to get my drink on to numb the pain of not knowing what comes next.

peace, V

JBern replied:

Sorry, but I've been chasing my dreams of writing an original novel.   Just imagine what I can do with  original characters...

Anyway, thanks for the review and the wait is almost over.~Jim

stuart posted a comment on Friday 21st March 2008 2:20pm

It is understandable that you are angry. My concern that very anger;

I think you missed a word there.

I could go switch some books out, but I’ll be brewing and enchanting for the next few weeks — might as well share the wealth. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that if it were the choice between saving a priceless book and her cat; she could always get another cat.

I dont follow the logic, what does switching the books around have to do with a choice between the book and cat?

The fickle winds of fortune switch change direction yet again.

switch or change; either would work I think, but not both!!

After a third warning, she’s disqualified.

For a second I thought you skipped ahead and she was disqualified, seemed kind of random as it is written.

I liked how you are showing real life in your supporting characters, Mcgonagal getting a job offer and speaking engagements, its the kind of thing you would expect at a prestigious academy. I also enjoy your version of the tourney, more realistic for a international competition, but since it is a rough sport, and competitors in the past have died, I figured one of the weaker ones would be mangled enough in a duel that they couldnt compete anymore. The exchange between Fleur and Harry went as well as could be expected, I thought both showed a high level of maturity Harry with walking away, and Fleur in keeping her date. I'm sure with Fleur's past she is leery, but with the seeds of doubt planted it should be a bit interesting in the next grotto visit to find out what happened. Good luck with the novel, see you in 6 weeks. Cheers

JBern replied:

Thanks for the corrections.   HJ figured that Hermione would protect his book above all else, even her cat, so the Anybook would be safe.

The duels are of course watered down after all, they didn't want people to get killed.   I'm almost done with the 1st draft and will be back to my fanfics shortly.~Jim

 

Aflibble posted a comment on Thursday 20th March 2008 3:15am

Perfect, I would love to see one of the Malfoys do the mark. I really look forward to the Puzzle Room. I hope that the twins come to and pledge their undying devotion to Harry soon they could be useful if they would stop acting like complete prats. So who is Harry taking to the ball, is it Hermione? What is after the Puzzle room. is there still going to be a maze?

JBern replied:

We will have to wait and see how HJ makes out at the Ball.   The twins?   I wouldn't expect them to change anytime soon.   Good questions.   Too bad I can't offer up any answers.

I'll be back to my fanfics shortly.   Thanks.~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 4:08pm

Damn. Just yesterday I was reading what I thought was a perfectly acceptable fan fiction story. Writing was coherent, characterization was at least consistent. Then I read this chapter. What seemed like perfectly readable fan fiction yesterday seems like crap today. I can't bring myself to start reading it again. Thanks a lot.

Oh well, maybe I'll wander down to the library or bookstore and find some stories by writers who actually manage to get paid for their works.

In case you haven't guessed it, I thought this was an excellent chapter. Great action and strong development. Can really tell you're setting the stage.

I really love that Harry seems to have a working brain in his head. Too often stories rely upon the main character being an idiot, much like JKR's did. I'm glad this story doesn't seem to have that problem.

As usual, my only complaint is that I'd love to read more detail.

The next six weeks can't go by fast enough.

JBern replied:

Sorry that I'm hampering your efforts to find acceptable fanfiction.   The wati is almost over.   I'm on the last 10 thousand words of my original coauthored novel.   After that, TML 6 and Lie 13.~Jim

vasilis01 posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 3:13pm

Once again excellent chapter. Hope to see more soon.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'll be back to my fanfics next week.   Look for more soon.~Jim

Maximum posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 10:22am

Absolutly brilliant

JBern replied:

Thanks.   More coming soon.   I'm starting up my fanfics next week.~Jim

maxzook posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 8:42am

I swear, if you don't write a drabble about Hermione's interview with the hat, I will ... ;)

I really shouldn't read this at work; I'm laughing too hard. Great work!

JBern replied:

I'll have to think about that drabble.   Be careful about reading at work....

More coming soon.   I'm starting my fanfics back up next week.~Jim

Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 6:52am

I am in awe of your ability to write a fight. Good job.

Nice slow movement on the Harry/Fleur front.

Who is Sarah Underhill? Quibbling minds want to know.

When Snape is up against the board of Governors, will he keep to his story that that was his potion? or will he slytherin out of it, and blame Draco &/or his parents? Either way, he's either a lier or a vicious incompetent. Which will he pick?

Thanks for the story. Good luck on your original one.

Tom A.

JBern replied:

Thanks Tom.   Sorry for the long gap between your review and my reply.   I'm finally getting caught up on all my replies.   Sarah Underhill was covered back in chapter 8.   Your answers are there.  

More coming soon.   I'm almost done with the 1st draft of Dead Eye and next week I start up on my fanfics again.~Jim

Portus posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 4:45am

Listen, you dripping mass of anal seepage, we don't give a damn about your money-making, self-worth-giving, blah blah blah original novel. We want more chapters of this excellent story as well as Turn Me Loose, and we also want your take on every other stiuation Harry could find himself in, so get cracking and forget about what YOU want; it's what WE want that matters!

That said, let me go ahead and clarify for the sarcasm-challenged ou there that this review is TONGUE-IN-CHEEK! But then, how many people are still reading this story if they can't take a joke...

Love the fic; really love it.

JBern replied:

Don't worry, I didn't take it the wrong way.   I'm just about done with the 1st draft of Dead Eye and will start my fanfics back up next week.~Jim

thangmo posted a comment on Wednesday 19th March 2008 2:56am

just read this chapter and still I really like your story.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   More coming soon.~Jim