Bob Officer posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 10:33pm

Bravo!

A New update about the 15th? Just about right.

I like the fact he asked Aimee. Fuer isn't that nice, really. I recall he being called flem, don't I.

JBern replied:

TML chapter 8 in about 2 weeks.   Lie chapter 15 in 3-4 weeks.~Jim

skasin posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 4:10pm

great chapter as always,
you really are dancing around the HP/FD, but then again it makes it all the more interesting.
and as always, hope u update soon

JBern replied:

Thanks.   The romance will be slow going, but good things come to those who wait.~Jim

jzysman posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 3:11pm

Dude... Just where do you come up with these lines. I mean dance for me for hairless sperm burping monkey. I damn near fell off my chair when I got to that one. Once again I am truly in awe of your talent. I really can't wait to see some of your original work in print.
Thank you for the entertainment.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   Most of Hat's lines come from my dark and twisted imagination, but I also have to credit the folks at Alpha Fight Club.   They come up with their fair share as well.

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 1:50pm

Kwan and Collins? Cool cameo. :-)

Nice bit with Ron & Fleur.

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

HalfBloodHarp posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 1:46pm

Thank you *soooooooooooooooooooooo* much. That was torture, absolute agony. I was so happy to read it today, especially after a long, tiring day. A very nice last scene; I especially liked Fleur's dismissal of Ron. It was disappointing to be deprived of the actual scene in the books.

Can't wait for the next!!

A much happier
halfbloodharp

JBern replied:

Glad I could give a pick me up after a long day.~Jim

Merle Corey posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 1:44pm

Great action at the start. Harry just powerful enough to survive but not over the top. Nice move on the hat insulting Manos before reattaching the arm! I wonder if you are changing up Hermione's date for the ball? Krum seems a little meaner than JKR's. Wicked zinger for Fleur. I'm sure Aimee and Harry will have a great time, and Aimee will be happy to be out of Fleur's shadow for a little while. Do you ever have trouble keeping different version of the characters from different stories straight? Thanks for sharing.

JBern replied:

Hermione does have a different date for the ball.   Actually the character I have the hardest time keeping straight is Harry/HJ.   Right now Harry in TML has a big chip on his shoulder.   HJ, is a bit more carefree and ready to take on all comers.

Thanks for the review.~Jim

squiddy posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 12:21pm

Nice chapter. The fight with the dementors could have been more drawn out and given more action like some of the scenes in 'turn me loose' but still pretty good =)

Main complaint: it's damn short! I would've loved to see more fallout from the dementor debacle and maybe a bit more recognition for Harry's part in it. Hopefully we see that next time as well as the Yule Ball and who HJ finally takes as a date.

Thanks Jbern!

JBern replied:

What do you mean it was too short?   It was over 8000 words!   The Dementor scene wasn't meant to last long.   The whole thing was supposed to cover about 90 seconds, so to keep it from being long and drawn out, I went with the hectic pacing.

Hope that makes sense.~Jim

Rexnos posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 11:27am

Man, that was a slam to Fleur... On a side note though, I swear it's a rare occasion for Harry to actually attend the Yule ball with the girl he ends up with. This is just the first time it was because he declined to ask her.

Another good chapter. You ended the dementor encounter perfectly. Claw of terror indeed.

Later,
Rex

JBern replied:

Bros before hos.   He could ask Fleur out after she crushed Ron.~Jim

CootiePatootie posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 11:14am

Oh my gosh, I am ROLLING on the floor. Well, not really, but it *was* funny! I can just picture M'lle Delacour's face. Snerk. Love the cameos by Kwan and Collins - anyone not recognizing these lovely fellows *MUST* read "Bungle in the Jungle" by the same illustrious author.

Innovative and satisfying end to the Dementor cliffie from last time. It *almost* makes up for the cliffie. Seriously, I was kind of afraid you were going to give Harry a "wandless Patronus" or some other nonsense. I like the use of Fawkes to get him his wand. Very rushed, scary, brilliant.

I like too the R/H/H interaction. Is Hermione ("Fun Bags") still going to the Yule Ball with Krum? (Sorry 'bout the Fun Bags, but hey - you brought up Bungle!) The bartering with Ron is frustrating, but not cause of your writing - cause of his stupidity. I like the thing with the teeth, and the hairgrowth potion.

Great update, as always.

ta,

Cassie

JBern replied:

Well there's a name that hasn't been seen in a long time.   Where have you been?

Thanks for the review.   Hermione does have a different date.

Don't be such a stranger.~Jim

rustymotion posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 10:53am

Holy shitballs Batman. I couldn't stop laughing when i read that, seriously ridiculously funny way of ending the chapter. I can just see the look on fleur's face when she hears that; i bet she went red like a freshly spanked monkeys ass. Anyways as always i look forward to the hats commentary on events. Specifically that one. Jeez-luis, harry really screwed the pooch on this one, but hey, alls fair in love war and banging out half of your female competition, Non?

And i was actually shocked that you brought kwan in to this as a bad guy, that was as unexpected as things get for me, it seeemed out of right field. but hey, your right field works a shit-ton better than mine, which is why you are here on fanficauthors, and i am.... what is it im doing again? oh yes watching TopGear. Anyways, just tellin ya, good chapter, and this is one of the few things that will make me miss a top gear show. please keep it up, as youve got some following bro,
Shakah.

JBern replied:

I had that scene in my mind for a long time.   Probably almost a year now.   Finally got to the point where I could write it.

Kwan is just doing his job - killing people.   The interesting thing in this chapter was that this whole thing wasn't about HJ for a change.

Thanks for the review.   I hope my works continue to impress you.~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 10:42am

Great chapter.

Fawkes bringing Harry's wand was a good move for the dementors. The trio scene was n interesting scene in this chapter. Nice to see they haven't totally broken apart... yet anyway. Athena's grandfather addition was pretty cool, I can't help but wonder if you'll be using him or his enemies in the future again. Kwan's cameo was nice too, even though he wasn't actually ever on screen.

Good move by Harry asking Aimee instead of Fleur to the dance. Seems I'm always a sucker for the long shot romance in stories. I hope someday you'll write a fic where you don't tell us what the end pairing will be just to keep us guessing like published works often do (although not all of them, some of them through give away the end romance right from the start too unfortunately... I prefer to be surprised and kept guessing myself). Still, I'm looking forward to seeing how Fleur & Harry get together.

I can't help but wonder if Hermione is going to the dance with Krum in this fic. Seems she was pretty hostile to him earlier and his personality is completely different than cannon, so it'd be a lot trickier to pull off believable than it was for JKR. Although it'd certainly add conflict between Hermione and Harry, but I don't really think that's needed. Maybe she's going with Roger Davies or something.

As usual, more description would be nice, especially physical description that hint at a characters thoughts such as posture. The description that's there is good and I was certainly able to get a mental picture, I just want more of one, heh.

Only flaw I noticed in my mental picture was near the end of the chapter when Harry & Ron approached Fleur and Aimee. At the beginning, you wrote, "As Fleur turns around, I discover my error." The first line of the next paragraph was, "Fleur doesn't even turn." So I was confused for a moment as to whether or not she actually turned around. Maybe she stopped mid turn?

As always, I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my favorite fan fiction story. If it includes the staff duels, puzzle room, and the Yule Ball it seems like it should be a big one. Have fun writing it.

JBern replied:

Hermione isn't going with Krum.  

Nobody guessed Fawkes.   Most were going the Animagus or Wandless Patronus route.  

By now you shouldn't try and guess what I'll be doing down the road.   Just enjoy the ride.

As for missing descriptions, I kind of tied my own hands hurrying this chapter to meet a self-imposed deadline.   I'm not setting one of those for the next chapter other than TML 8 in 2 weeks (or so) Lie 15 in 3-4 weeks.

Regards,

Jim

 

Taegeous posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 10:24am

Excellent chapter. Fully expected HJ to reveal Pronghorn, but liked the way you had it play out. However, I didn't care for was Kwan and Collins making an appearance. I accept the fact that they're hired killers, as clearly evidenced from your other story, but they attacked during a school event. In your own words, Collins "traumatized" Susan Bones, a 14-year old schoolgirl, using her to cover their escape. Hit-wizards or not, that moves them from the Men category to Cowardly Thugs, no better than any terrorist who uses children.

JBern replied:

To my knowledge, no one guessed Fawkes.   Kwan and Collins also pointed out during their exchange with Dumbledore that they could have just as easily used fragmentation grenades versus tear gas and smoke grenades, but they didn't.

Of course, in To Fight the Coming Darkness, Aimee was a Death Eater, so I like to mix it up what I do with these characters.

Glad you are enjoying the story.

Jim

marcelhm posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 9:16am

I really should review more so I'll guess I'll make this about this chap and TML's last chapter.
Even without the cliffhanger in the last chapter I probably couldn't have been more anxious to read this one since I enjoy the story immensely, it's fast paced action, funny interactions between HJ and the hat, and the high powered harry that is not all knowing and unbeatable are all good points, for this chapter specifically the only thing I see that could be better is the beginning of the fight specifically the transfiguration of the cage, the top comes of "it" becomes a claw (the cage or the top of the cage) he smashes it through the ground and pieces of metal drop :S strong stage or something I thought it was a steel cage? for the rest loved it.

about TML I'm slightly less positive, it seems to have slowed down a bit in the last chapters, and though I just love Luna as a character especially this one just acting Loony, I can't help but feel her "relation" with harry feels wrong, since for a love interest he doesn't seem to try enough and for just a budding relation he seems to attach to much value to it, especially someone who knows the difference between casual sex/flirting/relationships but enough about that. I like that Harry now is able to strike out in the world again, because the cooped up in that school bit was though it was lively just wrong since Dumbles managed to manipulate Harry again. well those are my thoughts on the stories and now I'll sit back and wait and hope for more chapters to enjoy ^^

JBern replied:

Thanks for enjoying both stories.   As for TML, it will be picking up again.   The last few chapters were what I called a necessary evil.   Chapter 8 of TML will be out in about 2 weeks.   Chapter 15 of Lie in 3-4 weeks.~Jim

Bedrup posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 8:35am

Transfiguration against dementors. Of course!You ´ve got a sharp mind for using logic within the unlogical magical framework. Great stuff.

JBern replied:

Glad you appreciate the idea of using Transfiguration against the Dementors.   How else could the Ministry control them without a threat of being able to do something to them?

Regards,

Jim

Fenris Ulf posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 8:35am

heheh loved HJ's way of taking fleur down a couple pegs. Is it just me or does that hit wizard sound rather familiar :P

Cant' wait for more of either of your stories!

Thanks very much for the update.

JBern replied:

It's just you.   :P

TML 8 in 2 weeks.   Lie 15 in 3-4 weeks.

Regards,

Jim

riegert8 posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 7:53am

good chapter

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.~Jim

TeddyLupin posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 6:52am

I must say that I love this story. I can't understand how I didn't read it before now but that is my mistake.

I can't wait for the next update!

I also can't wait to see what happens to Hagrid and what Snape does when he losses his head of slytherin position!!!

JBern replied:

Glad you have corrected this mistake.   Next chapter of TML in 2 weeks.   Next chapter of this one in 3-4 weeks.~Jim

Tommy posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 5:34am

Wow! You must be psychic! I'm clamoring far another update!! :D Hehe.. good work - this fic is really enjoyable.

Until next time,

Tommy L. (Fanfix)

JBern replied:

My next prediction is that you'll have to wait 2 weeks for TML 8 and 3-4 weeks for Lie 15.

Jim

amulder posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 5:33am

Rude, Vulgar, Fun. I think that was what you were aiming for? ;-)

Too bad on the end that he had to jab at Fleur a bit, they were beginning to respect each other. But she probably does need a bit more time. Aimee seems nice also.

thanks for sharing

JBern replied:

Well they can function in private together.   They just have to learn how to do it in public.   It's a work in progress.

Thanks for reviewing.~Jim

Muad'Dib posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 5:13am

Didn't think we'd get to see a meek Hat. You really ought to have made true on HJ's threat to have a dementor don the Hat, now THAT would have been a fascinating literary piece, hehe.

Nice going on humbling Fleur a tad. If he'd really asked her out properly and had actually gone with her, I'd have been scared of too much mushy stuff and that certainly does not fit this characterisation of your HJ. Nevertheless, I do look forward to the ball. I'm sure you'll dazzle us with more surprises.

JBern replied:

I'll do my best to keep it interesting.   Thanks for the review.~Jim