By JBern
Reviews
stgilman10 posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 3:51pm
I've said it before and I'll say it again: if I have to have only one author that I read that's actually updating his stories, I'm damn glad it's you.
I really like the way you've allied your Harry and Dumbledore.
This was a great chapter but I have one problem. Karkaroff doesn't have the right to be pissed at Harry for damaging/destroying the ship. All Harry did was kill the geist, and in self defense at that. Now, with your Harry, I could easily see him going and blowing up the ship, but he really had nothing to do with the state of the ship.
Still, excellent story. I look forward to this and to Turn, but I'll be honest: Lie is better than Turn, and Turn isn't as good as Bungle was. It's good; I'm not saying that it's not. I just prefer Lie right now.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. Chapter 22 is with final edits and should be out soon.
galb@vandyke.com posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 1:35pm
I must say I think this is one of the best Harry Potter story I've read. I've found myself re-reading the last couple of chapters a couple of times... very, very well done.
I did notice one thing that seemed a little out of character (and you are generally very good at keeping chracters in charcter.)
"Yes…No! I'm getting too bloody old for this." McGonagall wanders out of the room to deal with the crisis, muttering under some very unladylike things her breath.
Others have already mentioned the editorial mixup here... but I didn't actually notice that. The thing that got me was "wanders"... which just seems out of character for McGonagall, and doesn't really fit the mood of the conversation they just had...
Anyway, thanks for a wonderful story.
- Joseph
JBern replied:
Thanks for the compliments. Chapter 22 is due out very shortly, which is why I finally have time to catch up on my replies.
Stormrizing posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 12:22pm
I really like this story. Thanks for writing it.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. Next chapter coming soon.
CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 7:27am
Good chapter. Felt transitional, but those are necessary.
Spotted a couple errors, but I'm sure someone has pointed them out already.
A bit disappointed we didn't get to see the conversation between Harry and Hermione in the common room. Would have been nice to see more of her opinion on Harry & Fleur hooking up. For that matter, it'd be nice to see many people's opinions on it. What do Ginny & Katie think of it after he brushed them off? They were featured quite a bit in the early story but have been dropped recently. What about Neville and Ron? Penny and Oliver? The head girl Harry slept with?
I'm sure you'll show us general opinion either directly or indirectly, but it's nice to see individuals opinions too. Of course, they've only been together one chapter really... and even then they were covert about it... so I'm probably jumping the gun in a big way here.
Either way, looking forward to the next chapter.
JBern replied:
I decided to leave that conversation up to the reader's imagination. The chapter was long enough as it is. That conversation is referenced in chapter 22 and Ginny is on hand. Penny is also briefly in chapter 22. Neville - yes. Ron - no.
Chapter 22 is with final edits and I can catch up on all the replies.
Crys posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 1:10am
> The pasty-faced half-blood prince shrugs. "I suppose this is the part where I degenerate into petty insults and make pointless threats."
> "Actually," I say to the greasy bastard, "I think this is the point where you leave."
> There's a slight smile on his face. It's a dangerous one. "Yes, whelp. For once, you and I are in agreement. It is time for me to go. I'm certain our paths will cross again."
Yep, there's the petty insults and pointless threats, not twenty seconds later.
> Very slowly, she says, "The next time Albus is away from the castle and I am in charge, you are not allowed to leave Gryffindor tower—even for class. You will stay up there until he returns. Is that understood?"
> "So you want whatever is going to happen to happen in Gryffindor tower?"
> "Yes…No! I'm getting too bloody old for this."
[choking laughter] Oh, that is priceless. Great, GREAT line!
Yah! Tar and feather the bastard!
> Though, she insisted that when I leave for the next outside function that I should bring you along.
Bad idea. What would CalamityMagnet!Harry do to the Ministry or ICW?
Dammit, Snape's still around? Good quote from HJ, though.
Oops. And at the end, the magic word guaranteed to cause a Potter explosion.
JBern replied:
But McG wouldn't be affected by the calamity that HJ would inflict on the ICW.
Glad you continue to enjoy the story. Chapter 22 is just about done.
Cuey posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 2:30pm
Great chapter Jim. H,H, and H was good too. I reviewed on Amazon but I just realized I never directly told you that, but I really enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to Dead Eye and then Battle Maidens as well.
JBern replied:
Dead Eye should be out by late May/early June. Thanks for the review of HHH. I managed to write 5 additional chapters of BM in the last few weeks. The story is shaping up nicely.
Chapter 22 will be out real soon.
squiddy posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 1:17pm
Interesting chapter albeit a bit short. Left us hanging with the Pettigrew schtick at the end but that's what keeps up coming back for more ;)
It seemed like you were in a hurry in this chapter though.
Saw two grammar flubs but nothing serious. Comments/corrections in parentheses.
1) You will find all of them this age are struggling with they're (their) own changes. Find a look you are comfortable with.
2) "Yeah, but I made her promised (should be 'promise', the 'made' already gives you past tense) to keep it a secret.
Thanks and keep up the great work! Will start rereading "Bungle" to pass the time ;)
JBern replied:
Occasionally one or two errors slip through. It happens especially when I'm in a hurry to get a chapter out. I think you'll enjoy chapter 22.
TheHard posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 1:09pm
What a great chapter! I was wondering about the Hat, what was it doing? Just curious :)
I'm looking for the next encounter between Harry and the French Minister ;)
JBern replied:
The Hat is keeping itself occupied. Sometimes it's hard to work it into a scene.
morriganscrow posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 12:00pm
That was excellent!
Can't wait for the final face-off with Snape, the next contest and the French dinner. Harry's got his hands full with a heck of a lot more than Fleur.
The scene with Augusta was wonderful, and a lovely twisted explanation of her canon treatment of Neville.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Chapter 22 is coming shortly and I can finally catch up on my replies.
Wolf550e posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 8:17am
continuity: "How about we just leave the Numbing Charm on?" after "I grunt as the Numbing Charm is removed."
"muttering under some very unladylike things her breath" - editing error
"with they're own" - their
"but I made her promised to keep it a secret" - promise
"must register his or her form and on his or her seventeenth birthday" - I'm missing something around the word "and"
"and commands Neville to his side" - her side
Hermione still annoys me. After the skill and power Harry displayed so far, how can she still convince herself she has any right to treat him the same as Ron?
JBern replied:
Because she's protective. Harry understands. Chapter 22 just about ready. Thanks for the corrections.
Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 7:36am
Excellent update Jim! Very nice progress in this chapter. I eagerly look forward to the events at the embassy in the next chapter and how Pettigrew is involved in this mystery. I hope you will be making significant changes to the events transpiring at the end compared to GoF.
I expected Karkaroff and Harry to have a bit more of an aggressive standoff in this chapter. Things settled down a bit too quickly.
Your chapter updates for TLIHL are an excellent break from routine life. A very refreshing and a welcome update! Thanks for your hard work (and that of your editing/beta team) for making this story a very good work of fan fiction.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. There will be no graveyard scene - trust me. Chapter 22 is finally ready.
Concealed Convict posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 7:26am
Brilliant story so far. I can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve next. Once again, your characterisation and dialogue are very good. Keep the updates coming.
Thanks for writing
Keep up the good work
Concealed-Convict
JBern replied:
You won't have to wait much longer. Chapter 22 is with final edits and should be out shortly.
joeBob posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 7:24am
Excellent chapter, thank you.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. More coming soon.
Muad'Dib posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 7:11am
For some reason I cannot shake the idea of Fleur riding Monsieur Pronghorn into Aimee's hospital room. Should make things clear, or make Aimee shake in laughter again at least.
Brilliant chapter, mate. Looking forward to more.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Chapter 22 doesn't include that scene, but it's a nice thought.
whatareyouevensaying posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 6:43am
Another brilliant update, which is what we've all come to expect from you. I see that you're still having a spot of trouble with "Turn Me Loose", or we'd be reading that instead right now. Hope you get past your writer's block soon!
As usual with one of your chapters, I'm hard-pressed to find a favorite part. Most amusing, however, goes to Karkaroff's derisive response to Dumbledore's threat. Either the man's deluded, or he's bluffing. Then again, with Harry's spyfly, we now know that Karkaroff is the least of anyone's worries. Or we suspect.
Looking forward to more.
JBern replied:
Well, I put TML on hiatus until Lie is done. When Lie finishes, I should also have the short humor fic "The Inner Eye of Harry Potter" complete. I'll release that on a weekly or biweekly basis so that I can write the ending TML deserves without any pressure.
amulder posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 6:31am
Unfolding well. I rather liked the Hermione interaction. Telling her and Fleur will be interesting. Disturbing for Hermione, since she knew the "old" Harry so much. Possibly no big deal for Fleur, since she only knows the new Harry. Also, it may be a bit of a relief to her that he really is in some ways older than his years.
As an aside, it is interesting how this is like a 'redo' story gone awry. In most redo stories, the personality of Harry (usually) from the future completely overwrites the old/young personality and voila, we have a smart older person with advanced knowledge in a young body. Then here you show what could be the other side of that plot - older personality and younger personality, and all the mess that caused in the first third of the book as the two merge.
I'd almost forgot about the Longbottoms, but the hat punctured Augusta so deliciously well.
The sacking of Snape was almost an anti-climax. It happened so suddenly. I'm not sure I like him being back in the castle as a "guest" lecturer. You'd think they could have found a way to prevent that. Darn. Hey, can Harry turn the hat/golem loose on Snape some time. Smash! Crunch! (one can dream)
thanks again, Jim, keep up the great work.
...art
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. Chapter 22 is just about done. One of the two ladies gets the whole story next chapter. I'm glad you appreciate how the HJ personality has grown and evolved over the story partly through his own mistakes.
MOD posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 2:53am
Yet another fabulous update at the same excellent level of writing we have come to expect from you...
JBern replied:
Thank you. Chapter 22 is just about ready for release.
uthamm posted a comment on Wednesday 18th March 2009 2:19am
That was TOTALLY WICKED! McGonagill sending Snape packing? Awesome. Getting Snape fired and then rehired, wrecking the Durmstrang ship, witty diagloge between Harry and Fluer, Harry v. Augusta . . . I SO want to see Sirus baiting Snape!
Great story - Full Marks!
JBern replied:
Thank you for the review. Chapter 22 will be ready shortly and I can finally answer my reviews. I think you'll enjoy the broom scene...
Zicou posted a comment on Tuesday 17th March 2009 11:05pm
That's great, awesome!!!!
I hope to see more soon, and really want to see sirius reaction when he will see snape!
Continuuuuuuuue,
Z.
JBern replied:
Next chapter coming this weekend. Sorry it took me so long to reply. Thank you for your review.
Mesterio posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 8:12pm
JBern replied: